MOMMY!
by Jodeh
Summary: In a world of war, my life is tough. With some pshyco trying to steal my eyes and my boyfriend the final puzzle piece to Madara's plan, I just can't catch a break! My mom's almost gone, and I've gota get her back! I saved Daddy, but now I need Mommy! NarutoxOC
1. PLanty the plant vs The Weed Wacker

"HEY HEY! THAT HURTS BITCH!" I yell.

"Get over it!" Coal yells back.

"AHH! Get off!" I try pushing her off. "SCARLET! MAKE HER STOP!"

"I'm not apart of this... yet." Scarlet continues to paint her nails.

"Hey!" I roll over. "Time out!"

"Uke, how do expect to get a date when you won't even take the time to brush out your hair?" Coal asks.

"First off: It hurts." I sit up. "Second: WHO SAID I WANTED TO FUCKING DATE IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"Well you need something to get your mind off of the Naru-verse!" She protests.

"YAOI!" I turn it into a random conversation.

"Yuri!" She joins in.

"Hentai." Scarlet adds laughing.

"Incest!" I huff running out of words.

"You'd want that wouldn't you?" Coal teases.

"Would not! That's the Uchiha's thing!"

"UKE! That's disgusting!" Scarlet shoves me playfully.

Its been a month since we were sent back here, and I was NOT handling it well.

Not only was I bored and constantly missing them, I had one or two nervous breakdowns in the middle of class. .

Coal and Scarlet were ok, but they missed the Uchiha's and there kids...

"Ya know," I start. "I wish there was SOME way to get back to the Naru-verse..."

"Like how?" Coal leans on the couch. "Find some magical way to get back?"

"Your both insane, there IS no way to get back." Scarlet turns a bit red.

"YOU LIE!" Me and Coal chime. "You turned red, now GIVE IT UP... QUIT COPYING ME!"

"You both are idiots..." She mumbles.

"Stop stealing Itachi's words!" I scold.

"Itachi dosen't OWN the words!"

"Yes he does! Just like Sasori owns BRAT!"

"Quit going off topic and tell us!" Coal cuts in.

Scarlet sighs, "Fine... but don't blame me if we land in the wrong spot of the Naru-verse..."

"Ahem."

"Its a ritual. We need: An Akatsuki cloak, a blueberry pie, Coke-the soda, Uke- a map of the Naru-verse, and some holy water."

"...Holy Water...?" I question.

"Don't ask, Hidan made the ritual." Scarlet shakes her head.

"No surprise there." Coal shrugs grabbing her Akatsuki cloak from out the closet.

"I've got Coke!" I announce. "The soda!" I grab it out the pantry.

"I'll go print out the map... you guys find the other stuff."

The blueberry pie was easy, finding a holy water was NOT so easy.

"Where in hecks name do you get holy water?" Coal grumbles

"A church, duh." Scarlet rolls her eyes. "That there, is common sense."

"SHUT UP!"

I stare annoyed as they argue.

They're stealing my thunder...

"Well, Imma go get the holy water!" I skip away.

"My eyes! They burn!" Coal covers her eyes. "Uke's acting girly!"

"I don't have t be girly to skip!" I throw an apple at her. "Don't make me sick planty on you!"

"Oh no, not planty!" She says sarastically. "What ever will I do?"

"I'll save you!" Scarlet jumps in front of Coal, striking a goofy pose. "Weed wacker to the rescue!"

"Ah! A-cursed weed wacker!" I hiss, waving a green noodle at them. "We meet again!"

"Prepare to get your ass kicked!" Scarlet chases after me with a polka dot noodle.

* * *

><p>I duck as another swing comes and I start laughing, "OK, Imma go get that holy water, k?"<p>

"Your not getting away that easily!"

"TAKE THAT!" I start hitting Coal with the noodle.

"Help! Innocent bystander in trouble!" Coal uses a couch pillow to protect herself.

A knock on the door interupts our fun.

"Chello?" Scarlet swings the door open scarily fast.

Then she screams, slamming the door shut.

"What, Scarlet?" Coal looks up from behind the couch. "What's wrong?"

"MICHEAL JACKSON IS AT OUR FRONT DOOR!"

O.O

Da fuck?

I go and check the door, but I sure don't see Micheal Jackson.

"Scarlet, you liar!"

"Haha! I couldn't resist!"

"Liar!"

"Yeah, I lied about the way back too! I can't believe you guys fell for it!"

"WHHAAAT!" Coal gets wide eyed, a(pretend) anvil falling on her head.

Words on it read: Real Life.

A cold, clammy hand grabs me from behind, making me scream and freak out.

"HEELP! OMG DON'T JUST STAND THERE! HEEELP!" I claw at the door frame.

Coal and Scarlet soon jump into action, but Kabuto catches Coal by her feet, and a hooded person snatches Scarlet by her waist.

"You guys are failure of Uchiha!" I try and set them off. "I thught you were spose to be almighty and powerful!"

"I know your not talking," Coal shoots back. "Ms. My-Dad-Is-A-God!"

"Shut up! Ms. I'm-Dating-My-Relative!"

"He's not a relative! I'm only half Uchiha!"

"Suure, and you just HAPPEN to look like him!"

"Black hair is a family trait!"

_**Scarlet's P.O.V**_

Are. They. Serious.

Arguing about BLOODLINES while Orochimaru and friends kidnap us?

How did they even GET here? DO they have a portal too?

"Stop arguing!" I snap. "And get us out of here!"

"!"

"!"

Great. Both my friends are knocked out now. How useless can ya get!

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but... that was a total fail.

They dare call themselves ninja.

I kick the hooded person in the shin and he/she drops me.

I start running.

"Megan!" Orochimaru snaps.

"Sorry! She kciked me!"

A pure white snake lunges at me from NOWHERE, and wraps itself around me.

"EEEK!" I wriggle to get free. "Snake! Snake! Get it off! It feels GROSS."

Orochimaru laughs sadistcally and BITES. MY. SHOULDER.

"WTF!" I kick him in the shin to. "WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU? SASUKE? HOW DARE YOU BITE ME! I WILL GET EVERYONE I KNOW AND THEN SOME ON YOU FOR THAT AND OWWWW!"

I soon pass out, swimming in my sea of jumbledness.

* * *

><p><em><strong>"God, this is so cool!" Uke's voice rings through my mind.<strong>_

_**"You think Scarlet got knocked out too?" Coal's voice too.**_

_**"If she did, she's hiding from us."**_

_**"Would you guys be kind as to explain what your doing IN MY MIND?" I hiss at the two.**_

_**"Psh, don't flatter yourself honey!" Uke laughs, her fangs glistening.**_

_**Yes. Fangs. Yet another expirement with side-effects.**_

_**"Anyways, we're somewhere in the middle of all our minds." Coal explains. "Pretty cool, **__**ain't it?"**_

_**"Eh, I guess so," I look around as things just float around us, nothing actually giving us a look at things. "I didn't even know we could do that?"**_

_**"So cool! This looks like a bubble!" Uke turns all her attention on a floating... thing.**_

_**She reaches out to touch it, and it sparks to life.**_

**_"!" I run up to watch as a memory plays itself._**

**_"Oh cool! That's the day I met the Akatsuki!" Uke laughs softly, looking slightly like Konan. "Hmm... Scarlet, your still in trouble for lying."_**

**_"Shut up! Your not my mom!"_**

**_"DO YOU NEED A SPANKING!"_**

**_"EEEEK!" I run thorugh the deep abyss of what was suppose to be our minds meeting halfway._**


	2. Cookie elves

**Yo yo yo! You know the old sequal that I quit? Well it's being adopted by Echo Uchiha so she can do whatever the hell she wants to with it... www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)~EchoUchiha**

* * *

><p>I rub my head as the three of us drift apart, coming back to conciousness.<p>

I still couldn't get over the feeling of that snake.

Uke was glaring daggers at Orochimaru, rubbing a bite mark that she also obtained.

Coal also had the bite mark, resting with her eyes open, staring off into space.

No. These aren't curse marks.

But they're much worse, cause they hurt a lot and give you a hangover. T^T

"Mah names Uke! For the last time, GOD! It's NOT that hard to REMEMBER!" Uke shouts. "Three letters! U-K-E!"

"I don't care." Orochimaru hisses.

"When did we change clothes?" Coal stares at an outfit that resembled something an elf would wear. "...No comment."

"Don't flatter yourself hon," Orochimaru rolls his eyes.

He locks us in a big room with mostly wood and a kitchen interior.

"What the hell?" I gesture to the area. "What do we look like to you? Elfs?"

"Yes." Orochimaru crosses his arms. "Your short, your annoying, and you can cook. I've seen you."

"And?" Uke reclines on a rocking chair.

"You three will bake cookies for me to sell **_for the rest of your sad little_ lifes**,"

O.O

"ARE YOU FUCKING PSHYCO!" I throw oven mitts at him. "I'M NOT A _SLAVE. _I DON'T _COOK_!"

"This is retarded..." Coal sighs. "I don't bake."

"If you don't bake, I'll kill you." Orochimaru growls. "What do you think happened to the other elves?"

We pause and think about this.

"I can cook," Uke gets up and ties an apron around her wwaist.

"I'm a great cook, make the best da,m cookies ever!" Coal quickly starts to wash her hands.

"Let's get to work," I laugh nervously.

OK, I gotta admit... We're pretty out of shape.

No way we could beat Orochimaru yet.

_**1 week later...**_

"Stupid snake," Uke glowers, mixing the batter. "I should turn him into some leather shoes..."

"And a leather purse," Coal adds, helpfully.

I put more cookies into the oven, then go to look out the window at the delivery "elves".

At least they got to go outside.

"We should get promoted." I sigh. "At least then we could go outside for once..."

"Yeah, like Orochimaru's gonna promote the 3 girls that stole his team and almost burned him alive." Uke says sarcastically. "Yeah, he sure would do that,"

"Shut up, Uke."

"Sorry, just a little cranky."

"Yeah, eating nothing but COOKIES can REALLY do that to ya!" Coal hisses, throwing a plate at the wall.

Not only were we very cranky, we were also getting a sickly color to our skins from lack of nutrients.

Actually, Uke was just getting really pale, with tints or red or blue every now and then from whenever she tripped and fell.

Coal was turning some kinda olvie tone... but it didn't look pretty.

Me? I wasn't to sure. Uke says I look like something choked on me and spit me out.

But that might be the cookies talking.

"Why are we even in here?" Uke grumbles. "I thought UChiha's are suppose to be greatness?"

"I thought your dad was a god, eh!" Coal throws a cookie at her. "And you've got the eyes too, so dosen't that make you a goddess!"

"GUYS! STFU! We're all out of shape, now leave it at that!" I throw burnt cookies at the both of them.

3 delievery elves comes in and collects the boxes of cookies we already did.

"Hey wait." Coal skips over.

"Hm?" The blonde one stares.

Coal knocks her over the head with a frying pan, then goes for the two boys.

Uke laughs and changes into their outfits.

We leave them there dressed like us, and we keep our heads down as we carry the cookies to the deliverey station.

We take in a deep breath of air as we get ouside pulling wagons full of cookies and the place of where it was ordered.

"Ahh, yes... The air!" Uke holds her arms out. "It feels so good!"

"Bleh," Coal shudders. "I need a shower.."

"I need some food!"

We go to the village, enjoying the fresh air we haven't gotten for the past week and a half.

"OK... Is this the place?" I stare at the big building. "It looks... broken down."

"Let's go!" Uke leads the way in, pulling in the wagon with a struggle.

We knock on the door, and we're greated with a bunch of kunai trying to take our heads off.

We drop to the ground until it ends.

I peek up, and I thinkl that's the happiest I felt in awhile.

"ITACHI!" I jump up and leap into the youngest Uchiha's arms. "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

Heh, don't we **_ALWAYS _**get a happy ending at the end of each arc?

"Eh! Do you know how EASY that was!" Uke runs into the house, forgetting about the stupid cookies.

The nearest person was Pein, so she hugged him.

Coal jumps into Itachi's lap, laughing.

"Oh and Pein?" Uke glances up.

"Hm?"

"I never wanna see another cookie again."


	3. One good deed equals a lot of bad

**SING TIME! Potential Break Up**

**U: Uke**

**S: Scarlet**

**C: Coal**

* * *

><p><strong>U: It took to long, it took to long, it took to long for you to call back. And normally i would forget that. Except for the fact it was my birthday. My stupid birthdy!<strong>

**C: I played along, I played along, I played along rolled right off my back! But obviously my armor was cracked. What kinda boyfriend would forget that? Who would forget that! **

**S: The type of guy who dosen't see, what he has until she leaves! Don't let me go cause without me you know your lost! Wise up now or pay the cost! Soon you will know! **

**ALL: You're not livin' till you're livin'  
>Livin' with me<br>You're not winnin'  
>till you're winnin' Winnin' me<br>You're not gettin' till you're gettin'  
>Gettin' to me<br>You're not livin' till you're livin' living for me! **

**U: This is the potential breakup song! **

**S: Our album needs just one!**

**C: Oh baby please...**

**S: Please tell me **

**U: We got along We got along We got along until you did that Now all I want is just my stuff back! **

**C: Do you get that? Let me repeat that I want my stuff back!**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>"Peeeeiiiin, whoes thiiis?" I point at the blue haired boy sitting in the living room.

"...I'm your brother, baka." The boy rolls his eyes.

"I'm not an idiot! You just don't walts in here saying who I am and am not related too!"

"Yeah, your definantly Katana... or as I now know: Uke."

"Well what's your name?"

"Sanji."

"Stupid name." I scoff.

"Your the one with a name that's a sexual term." Sanji crosses his arms smugly.

"SHUT UP PERV!"

"Oh, well I guess you guys met each otehr." Konan shrugs, entering the room.

"Question. How come none of your children have red hair?" I question. "Mine's and Akemi's is orange, and Sanji's is blue. But there's no red!"

"I have no idea." Konan shrugs. "I don't control hair color."

I drop teh conversation and look Sanji up and down.

"DAD!" Akemi dashes through the living room. "UKE ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM!"

"The hell?" Sanji raises his eye brow. "You sure you had these kids?"

"Yes Sanji." Konan rolls her eyes. "I know who and what cam eout of me."

"LIES!" I hit Akemi with the pillow. "YOU FINISHED THE ICE CREAM OFF LAST NIGHT!"

"NO I DIDN'T!"

"YES YOU DID!"

"Are you guys arguing over ice cream?" Pein pokes his head in.

We both nod.

"Carry on."

OK, while we argue, I'll explain the house layout for you.

On the top floor is me, Pein, Konan, Akemi, and Sanji.

On the tenth floor is Coal and Sasuke.

Ninth floor is Scarlet, Mizu, Mitzumi, and Itachi.

Eighth floor is the kitchen, seventh floor the living room.

Sixth floor is Hidan and Kakuzu.

Fifth floor is Deidara amd Sasori.

Fourth is Tobi.

THird floor is Kisame and Kakuzu.

Second flood is Zetsu.

And finally, the first floor is the training room!

Then of course, the basement!

Big house, right?

"BOTH OF YOU CUT IT OUT!" Sanji screams, once things start getting thrown. "IT'S JUST ICE CREAM!"

We pause and take this into consideration.

Forgive and Forget.

"Baka..." Sanji rubs his temples. "I'm in a house of idiots."

"Your mom." I glare.

"We have the same mom."

"...SHut up. You ruined my moment." I sulk behind the couch.

Pein, Konan, Sanji, and Akmei wach TV whikle I sulk.

"Uke, do you have Rinnegan?" Sanji finally asks.

I pop up behind the couch, "Sure do!"

"Akemi?"

"Yep!" Akemi flashes his RInnegan.

"I feel so left out." Sanji facepalms. "Three people. Two of which are idiots."

"You don't mean me do you?" I joke.

"I mostly mean you."

I pout and sit on the couch next to Konan.

_**The next week...**_

_****_"I'm broke." I sigh.

Me, Coal, and Scarlet walk along the streets of some random village.

"And satrving."

"Your the one who spent all your money on the stupid game." Coal scoffs.

"Hey! That giant bear plushie was awesome and you know it!"

"But did you win it? No."

I hit her woth the bear, "I didn't win it. I stole it."

She flicks my forehead, "Bag girl, just cause your with an S-ranked organization dosen't mean you have to steal."

I pause and stare at her, "Did you hear what you just said?"

"Way to ruin the point." Scarlet roll sher eyes. "Just don't steal."

_**5 minutes later...**_

"Uke, where'd you get those rings?" Scarlet's eye twitches.

"Umm... Found it?" I try, shoving the rings in my pocket.

"Give me your hand."

I hold out my hand and she slaps it, hard.

"OWW!"

_**Another 5 minutes...**_

"Uke I swear." Coal slaps my hand for the 6th time. "You need to be slapped more than just on the hand."

I rub my hand, putting the ice cream back on the stand.

We get to the edges of town when I hear a great big commotion.

A house was on fire.

"My grand daughter! She' sin there!" An old lady points frantically.

"Well, time for my good deed of the day!" I clap my hands, then wince from the still soreness.

"Go put it back," Scarlet slaps my hand again.

I put the awesome looking ninja shoes back, then dash into the burning house.

Now, I've never actually been in a burning house before.

It sucks.

Can't see, can't breath, etc.

I follow the sound of crying until I come to a door blocked off by fallen stuff.

"Aw man." I glance at my hands.

I start pushing the debris off, ignoring my hands that were getting burnt like crazy.

I finally make it to the door, but the DOOR KNOB is hot as hell.

I shreik, waving my hand in the air, cursing like... Hidan.

I kick the door down, now very pissed off and grab the child.

I run through the house blindly, looking for an exit of some form.

"Uke! Follow my voice!"

"That's not very helpful!" I wander blindly some more. "Ya see? This is why a rarely do good things!"

I finally find the window and jump out of it.

The old lady claims the girl, and I sit on a bench coughing my lungs out.

I see some spiky blonde hair sit next to me.

"Maybe your not all bad." He laughs.

I cough some more, "Thanks, I try."

I glance up to see it was Naruto!

"Hey, you ok?" He says, only half caring.

"Yeah, I'm good." I stand up. "Now I gotta go hoome,"

"Your sleeves on fire."

"SHIT!"

I pour some water on my shirt sleeve to put out the fire, then meet up with Coal and Scarlet.

* * *

><p>"I saved a life!" I announce. "See? I'm not all bad!"<p>

"You also stole a truck-load of things." Scarlet gestures to me very red hands.

"Oh shut up, I'm having a moment,"


	4. Shinra Tensei?

**Normal P.O.V**

"Megan." Orochimaru hisses. "Have you found them yet."

"First of all, don't rush me." The girl takes off her hood. "Second, don't call me by that stupid Earth name."

"Well EXCUSE me." He rolls his eyes uncaringly. "But fine, I will call you by your real name."

"Ahem, I don't hear you saying it."

"Suki."

"Thanks, was that so hard?"

**Uke's P.O.V**

I sit alone in the house, sick.

God I hate being sick.

Everyone just forgets me and isolates me.

Not my fault I'm contagious.

I force myself out the bed, hunger getting the best of me.

It was dark and I could barely see.

"I bet they all went to dinner or something." I grumble irratably. "Just leave me here alone to be sick."

I go downstairs to the kitchen and make myself some dinner.

By dinner, I mean some instant noodles.

What brought on this sickness, you may ask?

I blame Sanji.

_He had dragged me outside and told me to train with him._

_"For the millionth time, I DON'T TRAIN!" I yelled at him, rain soasking me to the bone._

_"And why not?" He crossed his arms._

_"It's a lot of extra, useless work."_

_"I bet you can't even do a jitsu."_

_"I must admit, your right on that one." I shrugged, headed for the house._

_He stops me and pulls me further into the rain, "I don't get how you got the Rinnegan in the first place, and you don't do shit."_

_"I do plenty! Now let go, it's cold!"_

_"So much power an dyou don't even use it."_

_"Because I don't know how."_

_Sanji grimaced and dug in his pocket._

_"Don't give me that look."_

_He gave me a scroll, "If your gonna have power, use it. Or you just might lose it."_

_"Lose it to who!"_

_"Who do you think?"_

I glare at the oven as it takes overly long to warm up the water.

"Gosh, why can't people just give a straight answer anymore?" I mutter, hugging the blanket around me. "I do't know answer syou don't give me!"

"It's a wonder you even passed school." A VERY intimidating voice growls.

Three reactions come to mind:  
>A) Scream and run away<br>B) Fight  
>C) Throw stuff.<p>

I chose A.

I drop the pot of ramen and dash away.

OK, I'd never tell him, but Sanji was right.

A jitsu might be helpful about now.

The guy pins me down onto the ground, but I couldn't see his face.

"LET ME GO!" I screech, trying to wriggle free.

Ok, not many scary things happen to me. This is ne of those rare moments.

Everyone knows how it feels to be poked in the eye, right?

Now imagine a hole finger touching your eye.

I jerk away and glare at the guy.

_C'mon, jitsu! Jitsu! I need a jitsu! Ummm... No jitsu coming to mind... UH..._

I felt very much helpless right now.

_Um.. ok... no hands... but.. Power! Yeah.. I've got power right? What can a Rinnegan do? I don't really use it... Oh yeah! Genjitsu! ...NOw how do I do Genjitsu? GOD! I'M A FAILURE OF A NINJA!_

_FML_

I raise my feet and kick the guy in the stomach with as much power I could muster.

He goes crashing into the nearest wall.

I scramble to my feet, and try and think of something I could do.

_What would a fangirl do...?_

I grab a frying pan from off the florr(I knocked a lot of stuff down when I ran away) and swing it at the guy.

He ducks just in time and sweep kicks me.

I fall on my butt, but I hit him in the shin with my frying pan.

"ENOUGH!" He grabs me by my foot and throws me at a wall, knocking my head against the wall.

I get to my feet, using the couch as a balance.

A kunai hits my right in the shoulder, a warm sensation appearing on my shoulder.

I. Am. Weak.

"Stay away!" I pull the kunai out and throw it back, with no accuracy what-so-ever.

It hits the door with a heavy thunk.

_Who is this guy?_

I try and think of a way out.

As soon as he's close enough, I kick the guy between his legs.

"BRAT!"

He grabs me by my hair and flings me across the room once again.

Then dashes forward to kick me in the ribs, sneding me into yet another wall.

There's an audible crack at the impact.

And I don't care if it was the wall or me. I need to get out of here.

I crawl to my feet as he walks towards me quickly.

_Idea, idea idea! Damnit, I need an idea!_

"Uh.. Um.." I back up against the wall.

I hear the clink of metal and I freak out.

"SHINRA TENSEI!" i Shoot out my hands.

I can't believe that worked.

Luckily, he went straight through the window, and out of my house.

"Heh... Wh-Who needs training n-n-now?" I smirk at nothingness and fall into darkness.

**Sanji's P.O.V**

We get back the next day.

When we get to the kitchen we stare in shock at the mess.

Lot's of junk on the ground, a broken window or two, blood on the ground, the wall cracked.

"Woah, what happened?" Akemi marvels at the mess. "Hey Uke, you sleep through a hurricane or something?"

"Why is it just our here?" Konan mutters. "None of the other floors are like this."

"Uke! You down here?"

An audible groan is heard from under a pile of fallen things.

"Uke? What'd you do to the house?" Pein picks her up bridal style.

"Hmm?" She stares around the room tiredly. "Someone broke in... He was strong..."

"Someone broke in?" Konan stares. "And they trashed the house."

"All better now... Shinra Tensei..."

"Shinra Tensei?" I mutter. "What's that got to do with anything?"

Pein drops her on the couch as she falls asleep yet again, "You never know, she might've learned a thing or two her own way."

* * *

><p>Once Uke's awake, she explains what happened.<p>

"I thought you couldn't do a jitsu?" I point out.

"I thought so too!" UKe throws her hands up. "Guess I'm awesomer than I thought!"

"Riiight."

"I'm oddly reminded of Star Wars now..." Uke chuckles. "Luke! Use the force!"

Pein stares at her annoyed, "You did not just put my jitsu in the same category of that pussy show."

"Pein said a bad word!"

Facepalm.


	5. Lemon throwing

**I thank Suki77 for giving me the idea for this chapter~!**

* * *

><p>I went on a walk with Akemi.<p>

"Hey Akemi, how's your sense of direction?" I ask, looking around boredly.

"Pretty good, why?"

"I nee dyou to take us back to the base."

"See? This is why I don't go on walks with you!" He throws his hands up annoyed.

Suddenly, a LEMON hits me in the head.

O.e

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" I rub my head.

Akemi snickers.

We manage to get back to the base, and yet ANOTHER lemon hits me in the head.

"God damn, lemons hurt!" I duck in time as another one comes.

When I look up again, I see a... an apple on top of the mailbox.

"Should I touch that apple?"

"Nope." Akemi grabs me by the hand and takes me upstairs.

I sit in the library and sip my milkshake, looking through the scroll some more.

A stupid lemon comes crashing through the window, hits me in the forehead, and lands in my milkshake.

I drop it and clutch my forehead, "Owww! God! Why can't they make softer lemons, eh!"

I look out a window to see some old guy running into the forest.

Looks like I'm gonna be hit with lemons for the rest of my life.

I then stare at the grapes that magically appear out of nowhere on the table.

I back away slowly with thoughts that the things were gonna explode.

* * *

><p>I sit at dinner twitching uncontrolably.<p>

"You ok, Uke?" Hidan pokes me with his chopsticks. "You seem tense."

"Hrrr..."

"Huh?"

"I SAID TIME FOR BED HRRR!"

"WTF!"

"NO MORE COOKIE HRRRR!"

"Who is hhrrr!"

"OPTIMUS PRIME YOU SIT NEXT TO MEGATRON! I AM THE COBRA COMMANDER!"

"I'm lost."

"HRRR! I SAID NO MORE COOKIES! FUCKING HRRRRR IS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL!"

...

"Is she ok?" Pein pokes me with his chopsticks.

"She's day dreaming." Coal assures.

"About?"

"Having her own kids."

And then, dinner is stuck in an awkward silence as they think about me with kids.

Which could NEVER happen considering the way I am.

And I mean clumsy, I'd probably drop the baby or something.

"You'd nam eyour kids Hrrr, Optomis Prime, and Megatron?" Itachi finally says.

"And Riley and Bob and Nemo and Suzie and Nani and Cookie and Apple and Seme."

Konan looked estatic. Pein looked pale.

"Ohh, we're gonna get so many grand children! What about you Sanji!" Konan gets hearts in her eyes.

"I might have a few kids." Sanji shrugs.

Konan squeals, Pein drops his head on the table.

"Noo... Not more of them..."

"What's that spose to mean?" Scarlet teases. "Can't handle 7 more Uke's?"

"SEVEN!"

"I'm not having seven kids!" I protest. "I'm having 10."

"Uke, I think you just killed Pein." Scarlet pokes the unmoving body.

"Psh, he should LOVE my kids!"

Suddenly, a LEMON comes crashing through the window, hits me in the head, and knocks me into the food.

"THAT;S IT!" I jump out the window and chase after the guy.

"AHHH! NOODLE MONSTER!"

"STFU IT'S YOUR FAULT!"


	6. Konoha

_**Suki's P.O.V**_

God, do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?

Feed the elves, find allies, now I have to capture this evil organization too?

I've watched them for a week, and all I have to say is this: What am I watching?

All I usually see are arguements and them playing stuff called video games... whatever that is.

"Why are you stealing my lazy status!" Uke yells at Hidan. "I give you TV and you ABUSE the privilege! Horrible person!"

"Uke, your such a hypocrite." Hidan rolls his eyes.

"Am not."

I leave their arguement to begin and climb to the ventilation shaft opening.

Home of Uke's candy stash.

I pull the pin on the smoke bombs and throw them down the shaft, careful not to mess up the candy.

I take a chocolate bar that's called a "Hershey" and bite into it.

Heaven. Complete heaven.

_**Uke's P.O.V**_

Not to sure what happened... but my head hurts.

I sit up and look around, finding myself in the middle of a forest.

"Oh great, now I'm really lost." I groan, climbing to my feet. "How'd I get here?"

I massage my head as those stupid anime flashbacks make my headache worse.

Anime world may have it's perks, but it's really annoying at times.

Like when I'm having one of my epic adventures, dramatic music and weird backgrounds ruin it.

Ok, so seems like purple gas filled the base and we all got into a weakened state... um... then we fought some person wearing a hood... and uh, yeah. That's it.

Now I'm here.

I walk boredly through the forest, hoping to come upon some kinda civilization.

But OH! Lucky ME! I come across KONOHA! *sarcasm*

I'm almost immdediatly restrained once I step foot inside the village.

"PUT ME DOWN! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" I yell, kicking my feet.

I kcik some guy in the jaw, "OK, NOW I've done something! Take me away!"

They stare as I laugh at my own little joke.

They take me to the Hokage's office for whatever reason and have her try and talk to me.

"So girl, what is your name?" Tsunade asks.

"My name's Uke! ...Don't ask."

"Hmph, I would think he'd have enough sense to give his daughter a decent name."

"That's mean! I chose the name myself!"

"_**ANyways, **_what business do you have here?"

"Not much, I just have no sense of direction so i ended up here... And I have no idea where my friends went."

"Why should I believe you?"

"I don't know!" I throw my hands up. "I'm as clueless as you right now, Tsunade!"

...Staaare...

"Can I get some food?"

"What! No!"

"Well can I get some sake?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yep."

"No comment."

"WELL FINE THEN!" I pout. "I want Naruto here, right here right now!"

...

All most as if the gods were listening right then, Naruto bursts into the door, "Baa-chan! Do you have any missions for me?"

"Actually she does!" I laugh. "Your mission is to help me out!"

"Uke?" He raises his eyebrow. "What're you doing here?"

"My friends went missing and I have no sense of direction." I shrug. "But seriously, help me out here?"

"Naruto, do you know her?" Tsunade asks.

"Yeah, and I really think you should give her a chance."

_He owes me one..._

UNNEEDED FLASHBACK!

**_Itachi had given me the WONDERFUL job of trying to feed Naruto._**

**_"Hey NAruto-kun!" I yell down into the basement. "Wake up!"_**

**_I bounce down the stairs and walk up to his cage._**

**_I. felt. Horrible._**

**_"We're gonan get you outta here." I whisper ot him. "Just follow my lead..."_**

**_I set off the paper bombs and stand close enough so it would hurt but wouldn't maime._**

**_I hit the wall and Naruto goes runnign out._**

**_I sit dizzily as Coal facepalms._**

**_"Leave it to Uke to get attacked by Kyuubi, while he's restrained."_**

FLASHBACK ENDS.

Ok, so while i was telling you that flashback, Naruto and Tsuande came to the decision that I get to stay here in Konoha under close watch!

Not to fun, but oh well.

I do my happy dance with well-placed music.

Naruto takes me to his huose and I crash onto his bed, "Thanks Naruto!"

"No problem, Uke. Now we're even."

I nod and go to sleep so I could ctach up on it.

_**Coal's P.O.V**_

OMG EVERYTHINGS ROCKING.

I sit up and look around the dark room.

With a yawn, I realize we're in a boat...

But to where? And where the hell is Uke?

God.

_**Uke's P.O.V**_

The next day, it was reeaally cold.

I put on my Akatsuki cloak and go explore with Naruto.

"Hey! Sakura-chan!" He laughs and waves.

I narrow my eyes at the pink-haired bitch, who returns with a surprised look.

"Naruto, why is there an Akatsuki-"

"I'm new here." I interupt. "And I'm staying under Tsunade-sama's orders."

We eat at the ramen shop and I shoot a glare Sakura's way.

"What? What did I do?" Her eye twiches.

"I hold a grudge against you Konoha people, because you kille dall my friends... Thankfully, my dads a "god" in his words a brought them back to life... And you killed my doctor."

"That puppet guy was a doctor?"

"More evil scientist then doctor... Watch this!" I run at a tall building and jump on, sticking to the wall without even trying. "He made me special!"

There faces: O.O


	7. Oceans

Sakura and Naruto and I got along pretty well, but they kept questioning me about the Akatsuki.

"Yeah, I've got a big family." I nod. "There's me, Akemi my younger brother, Sanji my older brother, Konan's my mom, Pein's my dad, and I'm trying to convince them to have another. Scarlet and me are blood related from a blood pact we did a few years ago, and she has two kids of her own and she dates Itachi, then their Coal and she's a lot like my sister. She dosen't have any kids though. Oh, and there's our newest member, Nuke... I don't know where to put her."

"Wow, big family." Sakura nods. "Wer eyou the first?"

"Naah, Sanji was and he's really stuck up."

Then, we meet up with Tenten and Hinata and Kiba.

"Hi! I'm Uke, nice to meet you!" I wave.

"This must be the new Akatsuki member Tsunade allowed into the village," Kiba whispers.

"Why was she let in?" Tenten whispers back.

"I can hear you!" I huff. "And to answer your earlier question: I saved Naruto-kun's life."

"Eh?"

"New topic! How do you guys get so good at ninja-ness?"

"we...We train." Kiba replies like its the easiest way in the world.

"Hmph, everyone answers that way..." I mutter. "Well, h9ow do you do this "training" stuff?"

And so, a traning session begins.

But then they get all surprised when they realize I have a kekkai genkai.

"It's not that weird," I cross my arms subconciously. "Just like any Sharingan or Byukugan... stpo staring!"

They shrug it off and go back to training.

_**5 minutes later...**_

"Uke! Get up!" Sakura pulls on my arm.

"Up!" Ino grabs my other arm.

"Nope, I'm done." I groan. "Can't move another inch!"

"It's only been 5 minutes!"

"So? I've got a weird schedule. It's time to sleep."

"WTF!"

"I'm tired..."

"You sure are lazy," Hinata comments.

"Damn right."

"O.O

They sit an dwait for me to wake up, but hell, I couldn't go to sleep.

_**Uke, you lucky bitch. **_Coal mentally chuckles. _**Hanging out in Konoha while we sit in the hull of a boat?**_

_**They're trying to make me train! T^T! **_I whine. _**Help!**_

_**Come rescue us and we'll see.**_

_**Ok ok, fine...**_

"OK guys, I'm leaving!" I announce. "Gonna go save my friends!"

"Do you even know where they are?" Neji questions.

"Telepathic stuff, it tells me where they are... Don't ask."

* * *

><p>After much negotiating with Tsunade, I finally get to go on the mission.<p>

With a little more then half of Konoha's next generation.

"She really dosen't trust me," I pout. "I'm trustable, right guys? ...Guys?"

They look away awkwardly.

"That's mean! At least answer!"

Still nothing.

"C'mon, talk to me! Don't make me feel alone!" I whine.

Even more nothing.

"Meanies."

"You sure are talkative for an Akatsuki member." Tenten comments.

"That's cause I'm not even all that evil! I was just kidna born into it. Family stuff."

"Ohhh, so you joined cause your family?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

_**Didn't you join because you were a friggin fangirl?**_

___**Shut up, Scarlet.**_

We get to the edge of water and I look over.

"I hate oceans," I finally say.

"Why?" Naruto pinches my cheek. "Can;t swim?"

I pull away, "NO. I can't walk on water! And all the fishes of the world use the bathroom in that water! AND people dump a bunch of stuff in it so, yeah. I don't wanna be in the same water a bunch of dead bodies are in."

"You can't walk on water?" Ino wrinkles her nose.

"No I can't! Got a problem?"

"No no, just surprised."

"Mhhm... I got my eyes on you." I huff.

A lemon smacks me upside the head.

"ARGH! LEMON MANS BACK!"

Konoha nins: O.O

Some extra picks up the lemon, and starts sucking on it.

"Ewww, how can you do that?" I stare. "It's so sour!"

"I seriously judge your evil-ness," Kakashi mutters.

"EXCUSE ME! YOUR NOT EVEN EVIL SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT EVIL IS!"

"Don't set her off," Sakura warns. "She'll be on it for hours."

"We need a boat." Shikamaru changes the subject. "Because _**someone **_can't walk on water."

"Screw boats!" I turn on my Rinnegan. "Show me!"

Kakashi looked surprised, "You have _those _eyes."

"So does my brother."

I watch as Ino and Sakura run out onto the water.

I mentally sigh and follow them, still not totally sure how I picked it up.

But, uh, I won't question the Rinnegan. It'll come back to bite me.

"I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine, I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky, I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm ridin solo, sooloooo." I sing boredly. "Argh! Are we there yet? I'm bored!"

"What the heck are you singing?" Hinata questions.

"Songs you've never heard of."

"Uke, we won't get there for awhile." Kakashi mutters.

"Aren't you glad we didn't take a boat?" Naruto laughs. "Would've taken a lot longer!"

"That's why I said not to take a boat... they annoy me with their rocking and slowness." I surge forward to lead the way considering they had no idea where we were going.

* * *

><p>I sniff the air and stop running.<p>

"So what? Your a bloodhound now?" Kiba teases.

"Nope, but I smell _fish._" I wrinkle my nose. "And _snake... _great. Stupid pedo."

Kiba laughs and sniffs the air himself, "We're in the middle of the ocean, of course it smells like fish! And I smell perfume. And snake."

"That away!" I point forward.

"_**Kakashi's P.O.V**_

_****_"How can we be sure it's not a trap?" Sai whispers. "This _is _Akatsuki we're dealing with."

"More like the off-springs of Akatsuki." Sakura giggles.

"Th-That bird! It's _teasing _me Naruto!" Uke points at a parrot high up.

"Baka! Baka Uke! Baka Uke!" The bird chants.

"SHUT UP BIRD!"

Was she dropped on her head or something?


	8. Enter Suki

_**Uke's P.O.V**_

__I finally got that stupid bird to leave me alone.

It led me straight to land!

"See guys? I told you I knew where I was going!" I laugh.

"God, do you plug yourself in at night or something?" Choji gasps for air.

"C'mon Choji, we gotta go go go! Do you see a place with Akatsuki? Hmm... Telepath powers activate!"

Kakashi grabs my cloak collar, "Hold on Uke, this is Orochimaru's land."

"But this is Land of Lightning."

"And?"

"O..K..."

"Uke, I vaguely remeber you making cookeis for Orochimaru. What happpened?"

"Oh! Uh, it was him, Kabuto, and some girl named Megan! They stuck something in our neck and it knocked us out!"

"So helpful," He says sarcastically.

"Look, the easiest way to find them and bust out my friends is the Akatsuki way." I put my hands on my hips.

"What's the Akatsuki way?" Sai questions.

"Run through the town demanding answers and destroying everything trying to stop us."

3...2...1...

"That's the dumbest plan ever." Sakura comments.

"It is not! It works! Watch!"

I barge into the nearest market and throw a tomato at the owner, "Hey yoU! Where's Orochimaru?"

"I'd never tell you."

"Oh really?"

* * *

><p>I walk away from the broken down building back to my Konoha group, "And that's how its done. Orochimaru's hideout is underground over near the mountains."<p>

O.o - Konoha.

"When did girls become so scary?" Kiba mutters.

"Uke's not scary, she's mental." Naruto teases.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

_**Is that a lovers qurrel I see?**_

_**STFU Coal.**_

_**Hurry up and come rescue us, damnit!**_

We walk to Orochimaru's hideout.

"Coal. Shut up." I accidently say outloud. "We're right out... woops."

They were giving me some weird looks.

Neji reads the plaque in front, "Those who enter without permission will have to face their worse nigthmare."

"I have no nightmare!" I laugh. "I AM my nightmare!"

"LEt's go!" Naruto charegs into the cave, then Kiba, then me, then the others.

"You see right through me..." A voice sings from a corner.

"Hm?" I go and check it out and see... me?

"Hi. I am Uke." The fake laughs snarkily. "Who are you?"

"I'm Uke, your just a copy." I reply.

The copy Uke had long red hair, Rinnegan permanantly on, and was much more feminine and polite.

"That's just weird." Tenten stares.

"I found my new best friend!" I laugh. "This is Uke!"

"Hello. I am uke. Great to meet you."

I shudder, "Sounds nothing like me."

We continue through the cave when Kakashi stops us.

"Sakura, Sai, Naruto, Uke, Hinata. You guys go on ahead." He instructs, bringing the others whoes names weren't called back out the cage.

"C'mon guys, you walk to slow!" I huff, pushing my small group forward.

Suddenly, we're caught in Naruto's genjitsu.

Some kinda new law that Shinobi's couldn't eat ramen.

After he drops to his knees having a panic attack, I kneel beside him and awkwardly comfort him.

"Um.. It's ok, naruto-kun. Um... If you need ramen that bad.. uh... you could join me! Yeahh, that would be AWESOME. And all the ramen you want!"

Naruto's mouth waters and Sakura magically breaks the genjitsu.

O.O Why can't I do that?

So anyways, we keep walking.

"So, Uke-2." I laugh. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm your worst nightmare!" Uke-2 cackles.

"Uh-huh. Right." I ignore her and keep walking.

"DON'T IGNORE ME!"

"I just di-id." I smirk.

"Your an idiot."

"YOUR an idiot!"

"Dude, you just called yourself and idiot." Sakura facepalms, laughing.

"Wh-Who asked you!" I shove the fake Uke on the ground and stomp away.

And boy is she dramatic.

She tackled me to the ground and tried to KILL me.

"AHHh! FAKE ME IS A PSHYCO!" I run off.

"Uke, wait!" Naruto calls out.

_**Sakura's P.O.V**_

__This is weird on so many levels.

Uke is running from herself.

"Cmon, we're almost there." Sai states calmly, leading the way as if nothing just happened. "Maybe we can capture these Akatsuki."

We walk to the end and find a big room.

"Mooom, entertain me." A boiys voice groans.

"Entertain yourself."

"Who's that?" A different voice.

"Naruto Uzumaki at your service!" Naruto salutes.

"Baka!" I smack his head, hard.

"Oww, Sakura..."

"Doors are booby-trapped." A red-head female comments.

At that, the doors slam shut and lock.

"Eh? Where's Uke?" A black-haired female mutters. "Hmph."

"You guys are weird." I cross my arms. "No threats? No plans to get out?"

"Sadly, our only chances were the two." The one named Pein shrugs. "Depend on Uke, or hope that Suki girl has pity."

"We were placing bets!" A blue-skinned guy chuckles. "I bet on Suki."

Many mutters of agreement.

"You guys all SUCK!" A voice says from outside. "Glad to know you have TRUST in me."

"Hey, your very doubtful at times." A blue haired boy shrugs.

"Shut up, Sanji."

"It's true! Bet you can't get through the door!"

"I can soo get through the... shit."

"THOUGHT YOU COULD HIDE!" A different voice screams

"I KNOW I COULD HIDE!"

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"SHINRA TENSEI!"

Uke goes crashing thorugh the door and slides across the floor.

...

"Now why can't I do that on command?" She mutters. "I mean, fake me can do it, but not me?"

Fake-Uke comes charging in, attacking real-Uke.

Akatsuki start cheering them on.

"Rip her head off!"

"Kick her in the face!"

"Rip her to shreds!"

"This is stupid."

"20 on red head-Uke!"

"Kakuzu, you SUCK on SO MANY LEVELS right now! You guys don't even trust me!"

"30 on red-head Uke!"

"Not you too Scarlet!"

"50 on Uke!"

"10 on red-head!"

* * *

><p>Eventually, Uke won out.<p>

"HAHA! No one can clone my awesomeness!" She cheers.

"And you bribed the author." Itachi comments.

"Shut it, weasel boy."

"What the heck?" A different voice questions. "It looks like a tornado came through here."

"Nah, Uke just came through here." Coal laughs.

"I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE!" Uke announce.

"Eh?" Scarlet questions.

"Anime flashbacks help."

"Anime flashback?" I ask.

"Hard to explain."

"Um... ok."

**_Uke's_ P.O.V**

"So what? You guys don't believe I don't know the Oro-evil girl?" I cross my arms and pout.

"Nope." Sanji chimes oh-so-helpfully.

"Ugh, shut up and watch."

I do the jitsu me, Scarlet, and Coal came up with and show them the flashback.

So basically, I knew the girl(I think her names Suki) when I was like 6 and still lived in the Naruverse. Apparently, I was visiting a few villages with Pein and he let me run free(bad parent) and explore the village. These boys were abusing some dog with rocks and a stick. A little girl ran up and started yelling at them. I stopeed paying attention until the boys started yelling about whatever.

I came up to the girl who had black chakra all over her.

"Hey you!" I tap on her head. "You ok? ...Can you hear me? Hellooo?"

People were staring at me in shock at my obliviousness.

"Suki!" Some lady, I'm guessing her mom came up.

The mom called Suki down and I stayed there.

"Hi, I'm Uke." I wave. "Your names Suki, right?"

The girl nods.

"That was pretty dang cool, what was that? Eh, probably not my business, lets go play!"

We raced to the playground... and things went uphill from there.

"Hm... I think I kinda remember you," Suki mutters. "But seriously? Anime flashbacks?"

"It is a wonderful name!" Coal protests. "Now let us out!"

"KEY OF AWESOMENESS!" Suki poses, holding a key that was floating.

"Haha, I like this girl!" Scarlet cracks up as Suki unlocks them.

"And THAT'S the Akatsuki way." I pinch Sakura's cheek. "It works a lot."

"Whatever." Sakura mutters.

We go outside and I notice the Konoha people set up a trap.

"Finally, some fun." Hidan laughs. "Bring it on!"

"Attack, my monsters!" I sit back on a rock and send out Akemi, Mizu, and Mitzumi.

"Get off yoour ass." Coal forces me to fight.


	9. Otaku

**Uhhh, guys! Review please! Sorry for the short chapter.**

* * *

><p>"Uke's tired." I groan. "Peein, can you carry me?"<p>

He gives me that are you serious look.

"Fine."

I turn back to Orochimaru's base, "Hey Suki, wanna come with us?"

"Eh?" Suki stares. "I capture your friends and yu ask me to join you?"

"I think they secretly like it," I whisper in her ear.

Suki snickers, "Ok, I'll come."

"That's what she said!" Coal and Scarlet crack up.

"That's MY line, damnit!" I throw pinecones at the two.

"Suki! You DARE to betray me?" Orochimaru roars, leaving the cave. "And with MY cookie elves!"

"I REFUSE TO MAKE MORE COOKIES!" I hide behind Konan.

"Fail." She comments.

"Your hot then your cold, your yes then your no! Your in then your out, your up then your down! Your wrong when it's right its black and its white!" Coal randomly starts singing.

"You change your mind, like a girl chamges clothes!" I add.

Orochimaru grabs Scarlet back.

"Hey hey! Don't touch my b*itch!" I tackle Orochimaru to the ground.

"Since when am I-"

"Shut up Scarlet."

"Fine fine."

We grab Suki and run.

* * *

><p>"I hate boats. I hate them so much." I lay on the deck of the ship. "They move to much."<p>

"Hmph. Uke has a lot of problems, thats for sure." A dofferent voice says.

"OMG Whoes there?" Suki scans the boat.

"Hey Naruto, Sakura." I wave in their basic direction.

"I've got a lovely batch of coconuts." Akemi goes skipping by.

...Random...

* * *

><p>We sit at the base with nothing intresting happening.<p>

"I can't believe we lost our recording studio..." Coal hugs her knees in her emo corner. "We had a lot of stuff on there..."

"Does the Narutoverse even HAVE recording studio's?" I huff.

"Nope, we had the only one!"

"That's not fair!"

_**Normal P.O.V... elsewhere.**_

_**"Don't say a word just turn around and let me see! Girl you got something special something special for me!**_  
><em><strong>It's way too many suckers in the VIP<strong>_  
><em><strong>Valet got my car upfront<strong>_  
><em><strong>Tell me do you wanna kick it in the backseat?<strong>_  
><em><strong>I wanna get beside ya<strong>_  
><em><strong>In the backseat<strong>_  
><em><strong>So I can be your backseat driver<strong>_  
><em><strong>In the backseat<strong>_  
><em><strong>I wanna get beside ya<strong>_  
><em><strong>In the backseat<strong>_  
><em><strong>So I can be your backseat driver!"<strong>_

"What the hell are you guys doing! Your not spose to be having a dance party to our enemies music!" A lady with a chewed on tentacle walks in. "Your spose to be decoding their message!"

"Well hey, it's mostly singing!" One otaku protests. "We can't help BUT to dance!"

"Whatever. The smart otaku's should've gotten this job."

_**I. Am a FANGIRL. Not an OTAKU. There is a DIFFERENCE.**_

The otaku's perk up and listen to the recording.

**_I'd do anything for this recording studio. It's got MEMORIES in it!_**

**_DON'T TOUCH MY MELONS!_**

**_O.O_**

"Well girls, looks like we've got our lead." Tentacle Lady(TL) chuckles.

* * *

><p><strong>lol, Tentacle Lady and Lobster Claw Guy are BACK and better then EVER.<strong>

**Now, for the first order of business: REVIEW! I will NOT update until I have AT LEAST 10 reviews.**

**Do it! Click that button or Orochimaru will make you into a cookie elf with NO PAY.**


	10. happy Birthday!

"..." Scarlet stares off into space, thinking deeply.

Heck, even I was thinking deeply on this situation.

After 5 more minutes of silence, Coal finally breaks the silence.

"I can't believe we forgot when our birthday's are..."

"You forgot your birthdays?" Suki pokes her head in.

Nod.

"Hmm..." Suki taps her chin. "You shoulod just have one big party for all of you!"

...

"Heck yeah!" Scarlet cheers, throwing pillows into the air.

One of them happen to hit me.

"I said to sotp throwing pillows at me." I throw it back.

"I didn't mean it!" Scarlet throws it back.

"Then why do you keep throwing it!"

"BECAUSE YOU THREW IT AT ME!"

"...Oh yeah!"

Scarlet smacks my forehead, "Should've had a V8."

"I HATE V8's! Why would I wanna drink veggies!"

"Ok guys, the parties next wekk, got it?" Coal says out of nowhere.

"Huh?" Me and Scarlet stare.

"While you guys were arguing, I went and held a meeting."

"That was fast." Scarlet comments.

"I move fast." Coal shrugs.

"WE NEED A CHRISTMAS TREE!" I announce.

"Eh?"

"I'm just gonna assume I was born on CHirstmas, just go with it."

"You just want to cut down a tree." Coal rolls her eyes.

"Maybe I do! You know you wanna help me!"

"You guys ar egetting to bored." Zetsu comments, coming out the floor. "Maybe you should go to school."

...

"NOOO!" Me and Coal throw pillows at him. "REPENT YOU EVIL PLANT!"

Zetsu goes back into the ground like this: .

_**The next week...**_

"I've always liked birthday parties." I mutter, nomming on a slice of pizza. "Even though they were rarely mine."

"Duh, they only happen once a year." Coal flicks my head. "And lets not forget your an orphan."

"Ugh, horrible orphanage! Don't even remind me,"

"Wait, how is Uke still an orphan?" Mizu questions.

"Well, I'm not registered in this world, only back in Earth. And criminals can't _exactly _fill out paper work like normal people." I explain. "So, unless you know me, I don't exist."

"Oh..."

"And I have some _lazy _parents! How dare you guys singl;e me out!"

"That's cause your the MOST lazy!" Hidan laughs.

"Nu-uh! Um... Suki's the laziest!"

"I'm a fully trained ninja! I deserve to be ninja!" Suki chuckles.

"Yeah? Well I'm a criminal ninja so HA!"

"You only know 4 jitsu's. Two of which are... er... decoys."

"You know you love my Bōizurabu no jutsu." I giggle.

"Boizurabu?" Scarlet question.

"I've been picking up bits and pieces of japanese from those 4 jitsu's I know." I shrug. "Means Yaoi. Wanted it to sound cooler."

"Present time!" Tobi chimes, bringing in a wagon full of gifts.

"Woohoo!" Coal cheers, sitting up.

NO, not every Akatsuki member got us a present.

They teamed up and got us a few presents.

Tobi, Deidara, and Sasori got us... hmm... Coal got a black gutair, Scarlet got a drum set, I got a dark blue gutair.

"I'm amazed!" Scarlet laughs. "I haven't played in instrument in FOREVER!"

"I've played one lately!" I chime. "The throat-sicle!"

"Eww, that sounds gross!" Scarlet falls back laughing.

I look at the directions, "Ohh, these are _special_ instruments... Hmm... G flat."

I quickly strum the gutair, and almost loose my balance as it blasts a shocking stream of light from the top.

"OMG MY TURN!" Coal checks the directions and strikes a "C" cord.

**_Flames _**shoot out the top of her gutair.

"Hey! What about mine?" Scarlet snatches up the directions, reads for awhile, then starts tapping quickly on the coffee table.

_**BA-BOOM!**_

"THAT POOR COFFEE TABLE!" I exclaim, from my position behind the couch.

Star cracks up laughing and shoots a riff, making her drum sticks into lightning sticks.

"Sooo cool..." SHe stares in awe.

"Thank you Dei, Saso, Tobi!" We chime, eventually, after almost destoying the living room.

So far, I can get my gutair to shoot lightning and cause a rain storm.

Coal's gutair can shoot fire and water.

Scarlet's drum sticks can create any electricial current AND make explosions.

Next, Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Pein give us our present(s).

I gasp dramatically loud, burst into coughs and yell, "WHOES BEAST NOW, COAL!"

"STFU!" Coal shoves me, hard.

I trip backwards over the destroyed coffee table, but jump up and start beating her with the new cosplay items.

"Ow!" Scarlets yells as a stray high heel hits her.

"...Coal did it!" I take the bag to my room.

"Bitch." Coal claims her bag. "We all got cosplay stuff."

"I'M HAVING A MOMENT!" I throw the bag on my bed and come back to the living room. "GOD! People are so rude nowadays, can't let a girl have a decent moment anymore!"

After Coal and Scarlet come back form putting away there cosplay stuff, we open the final gift from Konan, Zetsu, and Itachi.

When I rip open the box, I hold up the school girl outfit confused.

"What is this?" Coal asks supiciously.

"Your going to school." Itachi simply says.

"WHAT!" Scarlet yells. "GO WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP, NOW!"

"What's wrong with school?"

"My ears!"

"SChool is the WORSE place you could send us!" I hiss. "How dare you befoul our minds like that!"

"But I already enrolled you..." Konan whines. "At least give it a try!"

People slowly back out the room until it's just me and Konan.

"No way! I am NOT going to a school! Especially in this stuff!" I throw the uniform to the side.

"I wen tthrough a lot of trouble to get you three enrolled!"

"Never!"

"Your going to that school!"

"I hate schooL!"

"Then don't be such a fucking idiot all the time!"

"Me? And idiot! How DARE you!"

* * *

><p>I glare at the blue-haired kunoichi who pinned me upside down on the wall with her paper...<p>

NO she didn't stab me, but she sure did ruin my clothes...

Everyone is let back into the room as Konan dusts off her hands.

"School starts tommorow." She adds.

"This is fucking child abuse." I grumble. "Hanging yoour daughter upside down on the wall, real nice."

"Don't make me leave you there over night."

"..."

"I thought so."

I groan as I free myself, landing hard on my head.

"I'm not wearing that outfit though." I comment.

"Why not?"

"It's slutty."

* * *

><p><strong>MMkay, so! Didn't expect that, did ya? Uke, Coal, and Scarlet are going to school... Because they keep destroying the base! XD<strong>

**Yeah, AKemi, Mizu, and Mitzumi already graduated, and they definantly don't wanna go back for middle and high school.**

**I'm gonna post a picture of Uke's(and friends) school outfits, ok?**

**REVIEW! I NEED TEN REVIEWS!**


	11. School

I glare at myself in the mirror, feeling STUPID.

Konan had brushed out my hair in my sleep, so it was... kinda straight.

It will NEVER be perfectly straight... blame Sasori.

Ahem, considering it was a _school girls uniform_, the skirt was really short and the shirt was really tight.

T.T Someone save me.

Me, Coal, and Scarlet walk to school, staring at our student ID(which had our schedul eon the back).

"This is stupid." Coal practiacally reads my mind.

I stare up at the large building, "Psssh, I bet someone attacks us the first 5 minutes of us being there."

Coal stares at me, "Don;t blow the school apart."

"Fine."

She pauses and holds out her hand.

I groan and reach into my shirt, handing her all the paper bombs I had.

"Ahem."

"Don't be that way." I pretty much ruin my bun by taking out the exploding ball.

"Are you serious?" Scarlet snickers. "You need to be searched before you walk into the school."

"STFU!"

We enter the school and go to the cafeteria.

"You sure I can't have my bombs back?" I whine.

"YEah, I'm sure." Coal grumbles.

"UKE!" MAny voice yell. "Coal! Scarlet!"

We glance up and see a bunch of Konoha teens.

"Hi guys!" Coal waves.

"What're you guys doing at school?" Tenten asks with the usual suspicion.

I wipe away the anime tears, "Kon-er.. My mom's making me."

"Ahh... You have my sympathies.. You don't seem the type to like school." Tenten giggles.

"I don't!" I pull on the skirt. "And this stupid skirt is to small!"

"Ahaha, you get used to it." Tenten shrugs.

"Easy for you to say, your wearing leggings." I shrug.

Scarlet smacks my back _really hard._

"AHH! You bitch that hurted!" I shreik, rubbing my back to the best of my ability.

A canister falls from the area where she hit.

Things hush as we stare at it.

I shoot a glare at Scarlet and quickly pick it up.

"What is that?" Ino questions.

"..." I roll my eyes. "Firework powder."

"Dude, that stuff can get suspended."

"PErfect."

I run into the Science room.

"God damnit Uke!" Coal chases afterm then turns on her heel and tells everyone to get down as I close and lock the door.

I make a trail of gun powder around the Bunsen Burners, then turn them all on full blast.

_**BA-BOOM!**_

I tuck and roll as I hit the door, breaking it down in the process.

I skid across the floor, in some pain from beng to close, and stare up at the ceiling.

"Ar eyou crazy!" Sakura grabs me by my collar and starts shaking me back and forth. "You blew up the science room! The hell is wrong with you!"

Now I know how Naruto felt...

"Sakura, that;s enough." A stern womanly voice says.

"Oww." I sit up, rubbing my head. "What're you trying to do? Break my neck?"

I stare up at Tsunade, and my stomach drops.

_**SHit... This is gonna hurt,**_

Tsunade punches me HARD, sending me through the second floor window.

"AHH! YOU BITCH!" I cling to a tree like a kitten. "THAT HURTED!"

"Damn... My hand actually hurts from that one..." Tsunade mutters.

"Did you only punch her cause she's an Akatsuki member, or do you do that to all your students?" Scarlet cowers behind Chouji.

"I do it to the students that piss me off enough." Tsuande replies evenly. "And she kinda deserved it for blowing up the Science lab."

I scramble back into the building with my shirt lifted up slightly, examning the new bruise.

"Put your shirt down, it's not lady like." Tsunade growls.

"So," I put the shirt down. "Was that the punishment or am I getting suspended?"

"That was your punishment."

_**Damn.**_

People stare some more as my shirt is suddenly soaking wet.

I blush in embarresment, and throw the gasoline canister in the garbage.

"Hit her again! Hit her again!" Coal cheers.

"WTF!" I hit her upside the head. "Don't tell her to hit me, that stuff hurts!"

"OK ok! Sorry!" Coal protects herself from another hit.

Tsunade picks me up and slings me over her shoulder suddenly, and carries me wherever.

"Hey hey hey! Put me down!" I kick my feet, failingly.

"Your very light, you know that?" She comments.

"..." I pull down the skirt and glare at her. "Your doing this on purpose, aren;t you?"

"I've decieded your earlier punishment wasn't good enough," She continues. "But I know someone who could fix you right up."

* * *

><p>I flinch as Konan sits next to me in the other chair.<p>

_I am so dead._

She smacks my head, "It's your first day of school! And what do you do? BLOW THE MOTHER FUCKING SCIENCE ROOM APART!"

"I was bored!"

"Where did you even GET gun powder!"

"Deidara." I tug on the damp shirt. "Also the gasoline, the paper bombs, and I stuck a ball bomb in my bun this morning."

Twitch.

I run out the office, down the hall, scremaing my head off.

"DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME!" Konan chases after, pissed off.

"I WILL RUN FROM YOU!"

I duck as paper shuriken come after me.

"I TOLD YOU I DON'T BELONG IN SCHOOl!"

* * *

><p>I ended up running thourhg a water fall, a huge cornfield, and back to the base.<p>

"Oh my god! Hide me! Hide me! Hide me!" I dash up the stair and go into one of the Uchiha's "rooms".

I look around there sitting room desprately, then go running down the hall.

I crahs into Sauske, and go tumbling on top of him.

"Uke? What're you doing home? And what happened to you?" He questions.

"Konan's after me, ran from school, blew up Science room, so dead!" I scramble back to my feet and search for a hiding place.

I'm not , not EVER going to school AGAIN.

* * *

><p><strong>Hahaha... poor Uke never learns. REVIEW!<strong>


	12. Secret Admirer? Hn

**HI all, remember to review! They make me happy and give me that needed inspiration!**

"Speech"  
><em>Thought<br>**"Writing"**_

Sigh. So I ended up going back to the school for another day.

"Empty yuor pockets, un." Deidara instructs.

I sigh and dump out the paper and smoke bombs, "Happy?"

"Wasn't so hard, now was it un?"

I roll my eyes and walk to school.

* * *

><p>I sit in my first period, Math, passing notes with Ino.<p>

Who, apparently, is the biggest gossip around school.

_**Do you think Iruka-sensei is gay? **_I read.

...

_**Possibly.**_

"Uke Ame. Ino Yamanaka! What'r eyou doing passing notes?" Iruka snatches teh note in Ino's hand.

"I'm bored." I shrug.

He reads it over and glares at us, "No I am NOT."

"You sure?"

"Shh, Uke!" Ino hisses.

I roll my eyes, not wanting to be beat into the ground yet agaun by Konan nor Tsunade.

Iruka throws the note away, and turns his gaze back on me(for obvious "evil" reasons).

"So Uke, do you know your chakra nature?" He questions.

I click my tounge, "All of em."

"Huh?"

"Well, I'm SUPPOSE to have all of them, but I haven't goten around to that. I've only got my original one, Fire, but the other one I got is Lightning."

Iruka stares at me, "Do you know what ninjitsu is?"

"Haha, of course I do!" I prop my feet up on the desk. "But I suck at it."

"Genjitsu?"

"Extreme suck-fest."

"Taijitsu?"

"Bingo."

"..." Iruka walks away. "For someone whoes suppose to be all-powerful, you sure do suck."

"EXCUSE ME!" I fall backwards out my chair. "I'll have you know I'm pretty damn awesome!"

He jus ignores me and continues with class.

"Stupid gay teachers, being all judging." I grumble.

"TO THE OFFICE!"

"OK, god!" I get out the room.

NO I don't go to the office to get my ass kicked, I wait until the bell rings for next period.

Mine just happened to be History.

"Anko-sensei!" Scarlet starts sucking up. "I made cookies!"

"Why thank you, Scarlet-chan."

"Your welcome."

"Kiss ass." I grumble, earning a smack on the head.

I practically fall asleep during History, earning giggles.

Unwanted giggles at that.

"Uke Ame!" Anko shouts, smacking a ruler on my desk.

"Three, Konoha, tommorrow!" I jolt to attention.

"Baka!" She smacks my head. "Pay attention!"

"Sorry. sorry!"

"Did you even hear the question?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"Then whats the answer?"

"...Pan...cakes?"

Anko face palms, "See me after school."

"Your gonna have to postpone that! I gotta go to Iruka after school." I explain. "And on Wednesday I gotta go see Tsunade to fix the Science room, Thursday I have community service, and... yeah, Fridays good."

* * *

><p>Lunch was small and I finished fast so I went to my locker.<p>

I go into curse-out mode as yet another lemons hits me upside me head.

Instead of punching my locker, I open it like a normal person.

INstead of seeing the almost empty, book and forbidden jitsu filled locker, I see... a lot of chocolate?

"Eh?" I pull out on box, causing an avalanche of chocolate to fall out. "Guess that's what hapens when you don't open your locker for 3 days."

"Aww, how sweet~!" Coal comes up behind me, scaring the crap outta me.

"Don't DO that!"

"So much for 360 vision."

"Shut up!"

"Your the one who can't sense anything!"

"It's allergies!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"WHAT ALLERGY'S!"

* * *

><p>Finally at home, I join everyone else in the living room.<p>

"WHo wants chocolate!" I pull out the scroll, releasing the few pounds of chocolate.

"Where'd you get all this chocolate from?" Itachi questions.

"Someone loooves Uke." Coal snickers.

"Shut up, Coal." I throw a piece of chocolate at her.

Deidara does a spit take, "Whoah, WHAT, un!"

"You guys are mean." I wrap myself in my snuggie and flop onto the couch. "People can't like me?"

Konan sits next to me, "Uke, I got a call from the school-"

"It wasn't me!"

"Sheesh, I was just gonna say they wanted to know if you could donate any food."

"Nope, all this food is MINE."

"..."

"And you guys too, hehee."

* * *

><p>I sit in class, passing notes yet again, except this time to Coal.<p>

"Passing notes again I see." Jiraiya snatches the note from my hand.

"Ow! Papercut! It buuurns!" I hold my hand.

"Why don't you two go up and share with the class what you were writing."

Coal groans and stands in front, while I sit on the desk.

"Jiraiya-sensei is a perv." Coal reads.

"At least he's not a gay perv."

"Your just mad cause he dosen't go afer you, Ms. Flat-chest."

"My chest isn't flat, damnit!" I throw the note down.

"Yes it is!" Coal shoves me. "Sakura's chest is bigger than yours!"

"You love my chest, bitch!" I kick her ass.

"Girls, girls. Stop." Jiraiya holds us still. "Fight after class, just finish reading."

I start off from where we left off, "Shut up, fat bitch."

"Meany." Coal flicks my head.

"Damn right."

"So, are you going to the dance?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"First off, I have no one to go with. Second, Konan wants to put me in a dress... Shudder."

"Aww, well if no one asks you, I'll be your date!"

"Yeah, that makes m efeel SO much beter." I throw out the note and sit back down, where everyone was staring at me. "...Stop staring... Stop it! ...I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T STOP STARING I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT AND SHOVE THEM _**UP YOUR ASS!"**_

People look down at there desks now.

"Very... colorful language, Uke." Jiraiya mutters. "Let's just continue with class."

I turn back to Ino, "I'm not flat-chested, right?"

"Err..."

"Shut up." I sink down into the chair.

"Flaaaat cheest." Coal sings in my ear.

"It's the bandages, damnit!"

"Oh yeah... I forgot your clumsiness."

"Bitch."

**_Night of the dance..._**

"I'm. Not. Going." I growl at Kisame. "Nothing you SAY will make me change my mind."

"Fine, I'll just have Scarlet be my date then!" Coal exclaims.

"Good for you."

"Your such a drag, Uke!" Konan whines. "Why won't you go?"

"BEcause I hate school dances, especially the back-to-school ones."

"It's the dress, isn't it?"

"...Maybe."

"50 bucks." Konan gives me puppy dog eyes as Scarlet and Coal leave for teh dance.

"No."

"100."

"FINE!"

I go and change into the dress, keeping jeans on under it, claim my money, and walk out teh house.


	13. bring it on!

**Aww... My little Uke is growing up!**

* * *

><p>I groan as I realize something very important:<p>

I didn't buy a ticket. Nor did I bring money... that I wanted to spend.

"No ticket. No entry." Iruka states firmly.

"I will never under stand what goes on in my mind, nor will anyone. I hate school dances, but when I go it's so much fun. I hate waking up in the monring, yet I do it anyways. And you know what, Iruka-sensei?"

"Hm?"

"All the adults here hate me."

This shocks him and he just stutters as I walk past him into the gym.

I have a way with words, ne?

"How much?" Coal giggles, passing me a drink.

"100. I'll give you 30 if you keep quiet about me having fun."

"Deal."

She leads me to one of the "dance corners" where a few of my Konoha friends were.

"Uke! You came!" Tenten cheers.

"That's what she said~!" I chime.

* * *

><p>O-Overdri-drive. O-O-Overdri-drive. O-Overdr-i-i-drive.<p>

Blehh, someone snuck some stuff into the drinks.

Even knowing that bit of info, I still drink some more punch.

"Dude." Coal puts her hands on my head. "Your sooo short, it's like-like Teletubbies!"

"Pssh, well-you-your tall like that green giant person!"

**Naruto's P.O.V**

I go outside... And trip over a body.

"Naruto! We LOST Uke!" Coal pulls me to my feet.

I look down at the body I tripped over, "Found her."

"OH! Can you help carry her home!"

"She's fat." Scarlet whispers.

"I heard that. Commesne carrying." Uke waves her hands in the air.

* * *

><p>They bring me to a broken-down apartment, they were back to reality, and Uke just <em>really <em>liked to be carried.

"You guys live here?" I ask catiously.

*Coff*Mental*Coff*

"Yeah! It's our beasty house!" Uke cheers.

"Uke, I just realized this but Uke Ame will never sound right." Scarlet announces.

"NAA! Don't go there! It looked good on paper!"

"Pssh, well it dosen't sound good."

"Hm... Uke Ame or Katana Ame?"

"Katana." Coal and Scarlet answer.

We go up a couple flights of stairs and we come to what I'm guessing is the living room.

"Hey hey! You brought the Kyuubi brat here!" This albino guy announces.

"HIDAN STOP YELLING!" Uke jumps out my arms and throws her shoe at him.

"Stop throwing shoes at me!"

She simply throws her other shoe.

"Uke, stop injuring people with your shoes." A different female walks in. "That's my job."

"SUUUKKIII!" Uke glomps the female to the ground. "I MISSED YOU!"

"You were only gone for 2 hours."

"AND IT WAS THE LOGNEST TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE!"

"You had fun, didn't you."

"...Yeah... but someone spiked the drinks!"

"Good for them!"

"Don't worry, this is normal." Coal assures.

Uke runs forward and trips on a pile of chocolate.

"Ack! I'm dead! Hidan killed me! Bleh!" Uke stares up at the ceiling for a good 5 minutes before a carrot top and a blue-ette walk in and poke her with a stick.

"HAHAH! THAT TICKLES!" Uke curls inot a ball.

"You people are crazy." I comment.

"If it's cause of all the chocolate, that's not my fault!" Uke adds. "Ohh, but I love it."

"Hey, it's Kyuubi." The blue-ette realizes.

"That's not Kyuubi, that's Naruto." Uke points out. "Get your facts right. ANyways, why would a giant fox demon be in our living room."

"Because our living room is awesome." Scarlet does a pose... that looked scarily like Gai's.

"This living room sucks. There's a hole in the wall."

"Which reminds me!" Coal presses a button. "It's time to play: THE HOLE IN THE WALL!"

Uke groans but gets into position in front of a big wall that appeared out of nowhere.

She gets into a funny postion as the wall passes by.

Well then... What crack did I just walk into?

Once everyone recovers from that little episode, all attention is turned back on me.

"...Your still here?" The older carrot top stares at me.

"Uh... yeah." I reply evenly.

"Weird Kyuubi. Weird."

"My name's not Kyuubi, it's Naruto Uzumaki-"

"Believe it!" Uke jumps up from her "dead" position on the floor.

"Baka." The older carrot top smacks her upside the head.

"THIS IS ABUSE, PEIN!" She hides behind me.

"I think I'm just gonna leave now." I turn.

"Don't leave! NO ONE LEAVES MY HOUSE!" Uke clings to my waist. "It's sleepover time! Coal, Scarlet you know what to do!"

"Talk about bossy." Coal jokes as she walks out the house.

"What makes you think they'll come?" Scarlet questions.

"DOn't tell them it's at the Akatsuki base!" Uke then has an after thought. "AND BLIND FOLD THEM!"

"So, what's the blindfold for?" I ask, apparently stuck here.

"I'd get in trouble for revealing the base." Uke gets up and grabs my hand. "C'mon, I'll show you around as we wait, this floor is the living room!"

We go up a few flights up stairs and she shows me everyone's "mini homes" before we get to the top floor.

"And this is my family's mini-home." She opens the door. "SANJI! WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT WALKING AROUND IN THE DARK!"

"I'll walk around in the dark all I want." Sanji grumbles as Uke switches the light on.

"Well do it in another room, cause I'm having a sleep over."

"...Dad's letting you have a sleep over... at the Akatsuki base." Sanji says slowly.

"Yes... Well... He didn't say no." Uke flips more lights on.

"And whoes the blonde? Your boyfriend?"

Uke turns a few shades of red, "SANJI!"

I jump out the way as the two beat each other with pillows.

Weird people. Weird.

"This is crazy... The leader of an evil organization has a bunch of kids." I mutter.

"Yup yup!" Uke finally kicks Sanji out. "There's me, Sanji the boy blue-ette, Akemi the youngest carrot top! Also, I'm trying to convinve them to have a baby girl..."

"Crazy."

"Nu-uh! ANd for that comment-no matter how true-got you stuck on set up!"

I groan as she pulls out a big box of stuff.

**Uke's** **P.O.V**

I glare at the ceiling way up high.

"Damn my shortness." I grumble.

I had Naruto trying to set up the Kareoke, WII and TV up.

"Naruto-kun! Lift me up!" I whine, holding the streamers.

"Whatever you say, Queen Shorty." He jokes, coming over.

"I'm not short! I hide my shortness in my shoes!"

"What shoes?"

"...SHut up."

NAruto lifts me up around my waist, which kinda freaked me up.

"I just remembered why I like being short." I grip the side of the wall. "This is freaking scary."

Naruto laughs at my realization before I start putting up streamers.

"Uggh, I'm tiiired." I groan.

"Your not the one holding a... How much do you weigh?"

"90."

"Your not the one holding a 90-pound girl, how're you tired?"

"Because, I'm Uke."

"..."

"MY NAME, IDIOT!" I hit his head.

"Ouch, ok!"

_**Hours** **Later...**_

"Took you guys long enough!" I throw my cards down.

"Well Uke, people get supicious when they're asked to wear a blindfold." Sakura comments, pulling off her blindfold.

"Well, let's get this party started." I greet my Konoha-friends.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, so maybe she ISN'T gorwing up! ...But she has to some day, right!<strong>


	14. Sleepover! Oh yeah!

All at the party was: Hinata, Kiba, Neji, Tenten, Sakura, Naruto, Ino, Lee, Coal, Scarlet, Shino, Shikamaru and me.

"You've got food, right?" Kiba asks.

"Of course I do! And I bet you'll love it!" I cheer.

"Uke, you can't cook." Kiba backs away towards the door.

"Thanks for bringing it up, Kiba. Anyways, Konan made the food, not me."

"Oh ok!" Kiba wipes invisible sweat from his head. "WHoes Konan?"

"My mom who wants me to live a "real girls" life."

"Don't insult me, Uke!" Konan shouts from her room. "At least wait till I'm not here."

"Fine!"

Pein walks in, balancing a bunch of fluffy pillows and big blankets.

"I'm surronded by idiots." He grumbles, dropping the stuff.

"You know you love me!" I protest, throwing a pillow at him.

He hits me upside the head and walks off.

"..." Ino facepalms. "Now we know where you get all those bad habits from."

"...Shut up Ino." I throw a pillow at her. "They're not BAD!"

"But they're not good either!" She throws the pillow back.

"So what exactly do we do at these slumber parties?" Shikamaru interupts.

"Oh! We do truth or dare, have pillow fights, play 7 minutes in heaven," Coal lists off.

"Have food fights, play pranks on those who fall asleep first," Scarlet adds.

"And do kareoke!" I cheer.

"So what do we start with?" Hinata asks, now excited.

"..." I stare at Coal and Scarlet for help.

"Tag your it!" Scarlet hits me with a pillow.

I fall over dramatically and grab a pillow of my own.

"Tag!" I hit Shikamaru and run.

And there you go. Pillow tag.

We play for a good hour before Sakura and Coal give up.

"HAha, that was fun!" Ino throws her pillow up, which ends up falling on my head.

"Even when people aren't aiming for me, I still get hit." I mutter, moving out the way of other peoples pillows. "What's next?"

"I say Kareoke!" Tenten points frantically at the set.

"I'm proud of you Tenten!"

"How youthful!" Lee cheers.

The door swings open, and a bored looking Sasuke walks in.

...Awkward silence...

"You really had to?" I hit him with a random pillow. "Wasn't Itachi watching you?"

"Woah, since when did the Uchiha brothers get along?" Neji stares in surprise.

"Ever since we brought them together and they fell in love AND stayed with us for 4 months!" I explain.

"In love?" Sakura's gaze wavers on Sasuke.

"Uke, I'm bored. Entertain me." Sasuke grumbles.

I facepalm.

"Wait, he's with YOU Uke?" Naruto's jaw drops.

"EWW!" I cover my ears. "MY EARS! THEY BURN!"

Coal falls backwardm laughing her ass off, "Actually, he's with me!"

More jaw drops.

"SUUUKIII! SASUKE'S MAKING JAWS DROP!" I yell down the steps.

There's some rapid foot steps, and a blonde head pops in, "Is he stripping?"

"No... At least not yet."

"What's that spose to mean?" Sasuke mutters.

"Are you sure you guys are even evil!" Kiba throws his hands up.

"Not really." Scarlet shrugs. "Why?"

"B-But files say your an evil organization?" Sakura's jaw also drops.

"Nah, more like anger management issues."

"This is insane."

"IS it even more insane that Itachi has twins?"

Ino does a spit take, "WHAT!"

"Yeah, Mitzumi and Mizu." I sigh. "Uchiha, leave! NOOOW!"

"Make me." Sasuke sticks his tounge out.

"Put your tounge back in your mouth unless your gonna use it for something!"

-.- Sasuke facepalms and walks out, "Perv."

"Damn right."

"Let's make pizza!" Kiba cheers. "I want an extra large pizza!"

"No! Everyone gets normal-sized pizza!" Neji scolds.

"Extra large!"

"Normal!"

"Guys guys!" I jump up on the table. "Quit arguing! There's plenty of dough to got around!"

"Haha, you said dough." Scarlet giggles like a maniac for a reason unknown to me. "I need some doo to make some cock."

Ohh, Family Guy reference.

"We're making pizza though!" Coal jokes. "I don't have my cake-making mitts!"

"Don't make fun of me!" I whine. "I don't cook much!"

"You don't cook often enough! That's spose to be like, a skill!" Hinata huffs.

"Konan cooks for me."

"It's mom." Hinata corrects. "You don't call your mom by her first name."

"But I call Pein by his first name too."

"You call your parents mom and dad."

"It wouldn't sound right."

"Huh?"

"Mom, Akemi just got blown up, should I tell dad to go fetch him?"

"Oh.. Your right, it dosen't sound right."

I shrug, "And calling them Pein or Konan is just a habit they didn't bother trying to fix."

"That's not a surprise to me." Sakura mutters, kneeding her slab of dough.

"What's that spose to mean?" I narrow my eyes.

"I mean, it's obvious your parents are pretty bad, not raising you right."

"I was raised pretty good for someone in an S-ranked organization," I remind her.

"Sakura, drop the subject." Naruto narrows his eyes at the pinkette, which surprises the both of us.

I glare at the thick dough, then start pouting.

"It won't shape!" I snap.

"Then don't shape it." Coal helps me out some.

"I want it kitty-shaped,"

"Bossy..."

I deciede to kneed and spread the dough first, then make it kitty shaped.

And it works out just fine!

"Skills! Oh yeah!" I cheer.

"Uh Uke, take a look," Scarlet smirks.

Hinata had made a Naruto-shaped pizza, Kiba a dog-shaped pizza, Neji and perfect circle, Tenten's a heart, Sakura's a mouse head, Naruto's a fox head, Ino's a piggy, Lee's a star, Coal's an Uchiha symbol, Scarlet's an unknown shape, Shino's a ladybug and Shikamaru's was a circle.

"..." I cross my arms and pout. "Shut up Scarlet."

Scarlet laughs at my reaction and gets the other ingrediants out.

I dump a bunch of sauce and cheese on my pizza, mixing ni some pepperoni.

I roll a piece of dough into a ball and play with it.

"Hey Neji! Heads up!" I throw the dough-ball at him and stick my pizza in the oven.

Why did I start?

_**30 minues later...**_

I groan, "I'm in so much trouble."

"Haha, sorry Uke." The ninja's chime.

The whole kitchen and some of the living room was covered _head to toe _in pizza ingrediants.

"...There's cheese in the lamp..." Coal stares.

"Of course."

"Let's, um, play a game!" Sakura annonces. "Uh, what's left."

I smirk, "Seven minutes in heavan~!"

* * *

><p>The game has been going on for an hour and a half now, and I'm getting sleeepy...<p>

I brush some feathers off Kiba, trying to keep myself entertained while Sakura and Lee were in the closet.

I yawn, "How much more time left?"

"3 minutes," Scarlet rubs her eyes, at least trying to sound awake.

"To long." I get up and pull the door open. "Ohoho! LeeSaku all the way, huh?"

"Sh-Shut up!" Sakura blushes, rushing out the closet, a lovestruck Lee following close behind.

"Your turn Naruto!" Coal shoves the hat in the blonde's face.

_She wouldn't..._

"Ehh, Number 13?" Naruto calls out. "O-Oh, that's Uke's number!"

I've gone about 3-4 times...

I go into the closet wih Naruto, glad that it was dark... I hate to blush.

_Let's get this over with..._


	15. Just a filler

Do you know how awkward it is to have your family catch you locking lips with another boy? Well, it's _very _awkward.

I was red as a tomato and Naruto was in the same situation.

"Er, uh. Um, hey Pein... uh... So, how's it going?" I wave sheepishly.

"Ohhhhhh, Uke's kissing a booooy." Akemi points out.

"Well who else am I s'pose to kiss? A dog?" I snap back.

"Sorry! We tried to-to stop them!" Scarlet cracks up on the floor.

"I bet you didn't."

"Well... Ok, we didn't but hey!"

"?"

"That's all I got."

"Asstart."

Naruto leaves the closet, as confused as I was.

You know how in all those shows and reality stuff, the dad is always over-protective to their daughter? Yeah, that's not the case here.

Pein smirks at me, "I knew you liked him."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut uuuup!" I start swinging at the carrot top who simply just laughs.

"Wow that was unexpected." Ino stares. "My dad would've freaked out if he caught me kissing a boy."

* * *

><p>"But cleaning is soooo haaaaard!" I groan, standing in the kitchen with Konan.<p>

"I do it everyday!" She smacks me upside the head.

"Ya know, all this hitting going on, I should call the Child's Protection Agency!"

"The what?"

"You guys _seriously _don't have that here?"

"Nope, whatever it is."

"That's sad."

"Don't care, start cleaning!"

"HOW DO I GET CHEESE OFF THE CEILING!"

"...Scrub it?" Konan backs away slowly. "I swear, you guys are all slobs."

"Don't group me with them!"

No answer.

I groan and get a sponge, scrubbing at the stupid pizza stains.

I stare satisfied at the now sparkling counter.

"Welp, I'm done! I deserve I prize!" I skip out the door.

"But all you did was wipe the counters..." Sanji sweatdrops.

"Who asked you, Hon?"

* * *

><p>"Dun dun..." I poke up from behind the couch, really close to Kisame's ear. "Dun dun."<p>

"Go away, Uke."

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun!"

"Seriously?"

"SNEAK ATTACK!" Coal tackles me to the ground.

"AHHHH! IT BUUUURNS!" I thrash around, failing a even moving.

"YOU PROMISED ME ICE CREAM!"

"THERE IS NONE!"

"THEN SUFFER!"

"YOU CHEAT, YOU ASS!"

Unlike me, Coal actually trains. Her Sharingan looks weird. It's like the normal 3 dots, but they connect in the center.

Scarlet's Sharingan also has the 3 dots, but they spike out like crows' wings.

I kick her off then go hide under the sink.

"...For a child of a God, you sure are wimpy..." Coal stares. "What's the word for it.. Um..."

"Coal, I swear to THE god."

"Oh!" Coal snaps her fingers. "A Demi-God! Your a Demi-God!"

"AM NOT!"

"Yes you are! You were born with _those eyes!_"

"What eyes?"

"The ringed, grey ones!"

"My eyes are green, dumbass." I peek out from under the cabinet.

"..."

"You mean you didn't even KNOW that?"

"Nope."

"Well I know what color YOUR eyes are!"

"What color are they?"

"Black."

"BEFORE we came to the Naruto World!"

"..."

"Exactly."

"Ooooh, Ukeeeee," Suki drags me out the cabinet(something she does everyday, sadly). "I heard you were locking lips with Naruto,"

"You people gossip to much..." I curl up into a ball.

"Missions are low," She shrugs as if that explained _anything_.

She seemed to sense I didn't get it.

"If missions are low, that mean's no one has something to do. And since we have nothing to do, we end up talking. And sometimes the talk turns to gossip."

"Ohhhhh,"

"Your a retard." Scarlet comes in, looking for food after half a day of training.

"That's insulting to retards everywhere." Coal teases.

"You guys are so meaaan!" I whine, running out the room, tripping, and faceplanting in Zetsu's indoor planter.

Suki, Coal, Scarlet and Kisame bust out laughing as I spit out dirt. I wipe my face off, which only leaves a bunch of smudges on my face. I glare at the singly Daisy that survived, and in a way, I felt like it was taunting me. I snatch the floor and smush it up, knowing Zetsu'd kill me if a destroyed the whole planter.

"What does she even trip on, un?" Deidara pulls me to my feet.

"Air, herself, invisible garden gnomes," Suki lists off on her fingers.

"Damn blondes..." I pout.

"THAT'S MEAN!" Suki whines, pointing her finger at me. "Your a mean carrot-top!"

"I'm not mean! I'm ecentric!"

"That dosen't make ANY sense!"

"DOSEN'T HAVE TO! I'M A DEMI-GOD!"

"SHE ADMITTED IT!" Coal exclaims. "SHE! ADMITTED! IT!"

"And your never gonna hear it again." I stick my tounge out.

"Oh really?" Coal pulls out a recorder and presses play.

_**That dosen't make any sense! DOSEN'T HAVE TO! I'M A DEMI-GOD!**_

__Coal rewinds it a few more times just to hear it say "I'm A Demi-God" a few more times.

"...Go suck a nut."

* * *

><p>I trail behind Suki as she jumps from tree.<p>

We got a mission... Ya know, I recruited her but we _rarely _go on missions together!

Our mission is to find this one guy who seems to know a _lot _about us. He's over in the Land of Water. And we had to catch a stupid _boat _there. I hate boats, in case you didn't know.

"I'm a barbie girl! In a barbie woooorld!"

Suki cringes but doesn't say anything.

"Life in plastic, that's fantastic!"

"Uke, seriously?"

"Imagination! Life is your creatio-"

"AHHH! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!"

"IT WASN'T ME!"


	16. Why's he back?

Me and Suki stop in a small hotel, courtesy of me needing a desprate break.

"Your a horrible Demi-God." Suki comments.

"For the last time, I am NOT a Demi-God!"

"Suuure you aren't,"

"I'M NOT!"

"How do YOU know?"

"Only I can choose whether or not I'm a fucking Demi-God!"

"Nu uh! Your born into it!"

"Your moms born into it!"

"Zero sense."

"Good." I cross my arms and glare at the wall. "Stupid low-tech world."

"I'm just gonna ignore that, whatever it means." Suki gets to her feet. "I'm taking a shower, folders on the night stand, review it, we're starting the actual mission tonight."

"Ooooh, Suki's the boss now." I tease. "All she needs now is a gimick."

"No comment."

I stare boredly out the window as Suki takes an overly long shower as per usual. That blonde... Anyways, I begrudgingly pick up the portfolio, flipping through it for the next few minutes.

"Oh HELL no!" I yell as Suki exits the bathroom.

She stares, confused at me. I groan in annoyance, having to explain it.

"THIS," I wave the picture around. "Is my _ex-boyfriend_! I don't wanna see him again!"

"Well, what's wrong with him?"

"He's abusive, always has to be right, seriously, be one of the few people who care and read my badly written diary." I say with sarcasm.

"Well, I'm _so sorry _for not wanting one of my limbs cut off for going through your stuff," Suki replies with as much sarcasm as me.

"You learn fast," I laugh. "You sure your a natrual blonde?"

"Not all blonde's are idiots, Uke," Suki scoffs. "I can name a couple of none blondes who are huge idiots."

"First off, I've lived with Deidara for a big chunk of my life," I joke. "And secondly, name them?"

"Hidan, Kisame, Coal, Scarlet, you, and Akemi."

"Hey! Don't group me with them!" I hit her with a pillow.

"I'll group you with whoever I like!"

"Mmkay, let's get this mission over with and get rid of the litle bugger!"

Suki groans, "You don't read nor listen. We're not killing him yet. We need to take him back to be interogated."

"Your killing me, Suki." I massage my temples. "Just thinking of hearing his annoying voice again gives me migraines."

"Le gasp! Uke, the idiot Demi-God, has been thinking!"

"Haha, very funny Suki."

* * *

><p>We walk slowly through town like bosses in our cloaks(Suki looking mysterious, me looking... childish, remember? My cloak is smaller) looking for the blue-haired asshole, Sean.<p>

"Any other ex's I should be on the look out for?" Suki smirks.

"Welp, there's Tommy, we fell out cause I was taller than him in 4th, same thing with James and Rodney. Taylor, turns out he was gay and was using me as a cover up. George was cheating on me. Marcus's parents said I was to 'violent' and a threat to his 'health'. And then, Jimmy, he ddin't want to take care of me... You wouldn't believe I was MORE clumsy in the past."

"That must be some kidna record." Suki sticks her tounge out. "You _sure _do know how to pick 'em."

"..." It clicks in my mind what she meant. "Shut up, Suki."

"Never!"

"Obey your friend!"

"Haha, I thought you were gonan say Demi-God."

"I'M NOT A DEMI-GOD!"

I trip and start my desent to the ground, but something jerks me back. I flinch and glance up to see Suki standing in front of me, looking slightly weirded out. I groan, having an idea(with my luck) of who it is.

"Drop me, please. I'd rather face plant right now." I groan out.

"Aww, Uke. Don't be that way, we all know you hate the ground." He chuckles.

I pulls me back onto my feet, the moon making everything shine a bit.

"Long time no see, Uke." Sean gives me a small wave. "I knew they'd send you for me."

"Yeah, whatever." I roll my eyes. "You coming or not?"

"Your _so _charming." Suki leans on my head, being at least half a foot taller than me.

Damn my shortness.

"Sure, I'll come along, so I can give Uke so much-needed company." Sean chuckles.

"Damn, he's willing. I was hoping to knock him out." I snap my fingers.

Suki laughs softly and leads the way back to the base, "Let's go Demi-God."

"I'm not a Demi-God!"

"Your right Uke, your an orphan." Sean smirks.

"Am not! I have a huge family!" I protest. "And a possible love interest!"

"Your a horrible romantic." Suki facepalms.

"And proud of it!"

* * *

><p>"OH MY GOD, STOP TALKING! MY! EARS! ARE! BLEEEDDDIIIIINNNNNG!" I shreik at Sean.<p>

"My lovely Uke, who's this possible love intrest so I can shoot him?" Sean asks with this intense scariness.

"Suki, your carrying me." I state before running head first into a tree(or at least trying).

"Why is it the moments your trying to be clumsy, your graceful as a swan?" Suki asks, holding back laughs at my fail attempt.

I groan, "Nighty night, I gotta headache."

"You lazy Demi-God!"

* * *

><p>I wake up back in the base, many people hovering over me, not all of them I wanted their.<p>

"Pein, your so mean to me." I stick my tounge out at the carrot top.

He raises his eye brows.

"One time I WANT to go on a mission and WANT to kill someone, you make me bring him back!"

"...What's wrong with him?"

"AHH! YOU HAVE THE MEMORY OF A SQUIRREL!"

"It's Sean." Hidan announces, holding a tattered, torn, and slightly wet book.

"Dude! Get out my badly written diary!" I chase after him as he reads aloud.

"Dear Diary, today was total hell! The PTA blamed _me _for the missing cookies! I DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THEM!"

"YOU ARE DEAD, STRIPPER!"

"Uke! Ukeukeukeukeuke! TALENT SHOOOW!" Scarlet snatches my arm, pulling me off course and onto the training grounds. "What song?"

"Let's do... Kiss Kiss, Chris Brown." I stick my tounge out in thought. "It should be fun."

"No! no! Let's do I can Transform Ya!" Coal counters.

"OK! LET'S GET PRACTICING!"

* * *

><p><strong>I have an important question for all of you guys who read this. Would you guys be intrested in Uke's past? Like, before she met the Akatsuki and became all ninjaness? If you want, I could right up a story of it... If you want. Just asking...<strong>


	17. Jealousy is bad

_**At school the next day...**_

I know I say a lot of things that aren't serious... but this is totally serious... Hinata scares me. Jealousy does some scary things to people. Right now? I was cowering in the basket ball hoop. Yes, you heard me right. _In the basketball hoop. _Wanna know what happened? *sigh* you always do...

_I had gone to PE for whatever weird training Kakashi wanted us to do. We lined up against the wall according to height, sadly, and I was second before last(Gaara being next to me) and we had to "spar" with whoever was on the other side of the line. Screwy bad luck got me Hinata._

_"This should be intresting..." Kakashi muttered as me and Hinata faced each other in the center ring. "A Byakugan versus a Rinnegan."_

_"Hey... Just because I have some weird eye power, dosen't give me an advantage." I pointed out._

_"It should."_

_"But it dosen't."_

_"Just come fight!" Hinata suddenly smapped very out of character. "Are you scared?"_

_"..."_

_This gained some chicken sounds and me being called a 'pussy' from random class members. I flip them all off and walk up to Hinata with pure annoyance. I fingered my kunai pouch curiously, not all to used to wearing it. _

_"Ready.." Kakashi raised his hand then lowered it. "Begin."_

_I ducked a punch, sweep kicking Hinata who falls on her butt. She gets up and throws a couple shuriken at me, which I barely dodge. I stared in shock._

_"I don't think I really want to fight..." I grumble so no one could hear._

_Hinata activated her Byakugan, a great advantage she had since I couldn't get my Rinnegan on command. I shreik and used my last resort plan: Running away. I ran and ran in circles around the gym, Hinata eagerly chasing. Laughter had erupted from the class._

_"She's joking... right?" Kakashi stared in shock._

_"Nope." Ino sighs and gives me a supportive thumbs-up._

_I start running up the wall, Hinata throwing whatever weapon she could get her hands on. Sheesh, I thought she was shy?_

__And that's how I ended up in the basket ball hoop in the middle of class, with Kakashi trying to get me down.

I try and push myself out, finding the problem, "Kakashi-sensei! I'm stuck..."

"Of course you are." He sighs in annoyance. "It'll break pretty soon anyways."

"Wait! What if I get hungry!"

"Then-"

There's a really loud creak and then a snap as the basket ball hoop breaks under pressure. I smash into the ground, and deciede to stay like that for awhile. I mean, that hurt. I just belly flopped on the ground from 8 or 9 feet up. What? I'm have a low pain tolerance... Ironic for a dad named Pein...(Ironic fun fact: I'm the only short one in my family.)

"Hey, you okay Uke?" Scarlet helps**(read:drags)**me to my feet. "That was some fall."

"Hinata, A. Uke... D+." Kakashi announces.

"Yeah, thanks for the support." I scowl.

Hinata cheers, happy with her A.

"You'll have to keep fighting people until you pass, Uke." Kakashi adds. "If you can't do this, you can't graduate."

"Yeah yeah, I get it scarecrow." I massage my stomach and go out into the hallway.

And who do I see? Hinata? NOPE! Naruto! yay!

"Hey Naru-kun!" I wave happily.

"Woah, what happened to you?" He asks, surprised.

"I got stuck in the basket ball hoop, then fell face first on the ground." I groan. "Why does gravity hate me?"

"Because you try to defy it all the time." He teases.

"Nu-uh!"

The bell rings, signaling the end of the school day. I go outside and wait for Scarlet and Coal to come outside, sitting on the steps with Naruto.

"So, what're you doing today?" Naruto leans on my head, making me hunch over quite a bit.

"Your to big for that, Naruto." I grunt, trying to push him off. "And I think I'm gonna relax and eat some Onigiri. Might help move our stuff."

"Hm?"

"I didn't tell you? I'm moving close-HI SCARLET AND COAL!" I squeal, jumping to my feet. "Took you long enough!"

"Hey! We had to go to our lockers, unlike you." Coal protests.

"Whatever."

We begin our walk home(well it's not Naruto's home, but you get what I mean) and end up sitting on the roof, doing our homework while other Akatsuki(and the three monsters) arrange stuff through-out the house. I lay on my tummy, biting on my pencil eraser and gently bouncing my foot in the air. Coal was to my left, Scarlet to my right, Naruto in front of me(we were in a circle).

Coal reads out the first question, "You have one kunai, two smoke bombs and some wire. Your surronded by enemy Shinobi. What do you do?"

"Run for the hills." I stick my tounge out.

"Uke, your gonna fail if you use that answer." Scarlet points out. "I want you to pass so listen up."

"I use one smoke bomb to distract the enemy to set up a trip-wire to slow them down, use the kunai for any who get to close and the last smoke bomb as a quick escape." Naruto lists off.

"Psh, that's almost the same thing I said except you made it all techniqual." I pout.

My friends laugh, continuing helping me out with my homework. The sad part is, I'm not flirting or doing any of this on purpose... I'm a _really _bad ninja.

"I quit! Done! I need a break!" I throw my stuff down and hop off the roof. "Anything you guys want from the store?"

"Ramen!"

"Dango!"

"Condoms!"

"Yes, yes and no!"

I jog off to the near-by town, going into an everything-store. I search around for a few minutes before I find the food aisle. I turn around and find myself looking into some pupil-less eyes. I take a step back and stare up at the Hyuga female.

"Sup, Hinata." I nod my head.

"Why does he choose you?" She looks me up and down. "Your a midjet with barely any ninja talent at all. Ar eyou not trying or are you really that bad?"

"A little bit of both." I ignore the insults laced into that. "Why do you care?"

"_I _have loved Naruto for all my life. You? You just barely met him."

"_Actually, _I have been his number one stalker for the past 3 months! You? Your a disgrace to stalkers everywhere!"

"YOU LIVE WITH THE SAME PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KILL HIM!"

"Actually, no one dares to mention killing him anymore. Hehe. Uke's a scary person." I grin. "A certain Uchiha is the only one who tries to motivate poeple on that plan anymore."

"And another thing! Your name, Uke! It's a freaking sex term."

"And! Are you jealous of my sexy name!"

"No, not at all."

"Damn."

I go to make my purchases, Hinata follows for some reason, brooding. I shrug it off, going into a library(shocker).

"Oh? I didn't think you knew how to read."

"Look Hinata, quit being jealous!" I snap. "Forget about Naruto because he's _mine! _Besides, I know 2-3 other guys who are into you! And _actually notice you_."

"What? More of your bad match making?"

"That's very mean." I turn away, looking for a book on Ninjutsu. "But enough with insulting me, it makes me sad."

"Whatever." Hinata disapears from sight, and I hurriedly check out the book, jogging back to my house.

I go into the living room and find it mostly cleared up. My friends eagerly accept the food I bought, ignoring questions about the Ninjutsu book.

"Naruto, what's your element?" I ask, closing my book.

"Wind, why?"

"Huh... Well that dosen't help me... yet."


	18. Stuck a Genin

I grin halfway-ishly as the bell rings, signaling the end of the school day and the start of Spring Break. I leap out my chair and run out the room as fast as possible. I jump on Hinata's back cheering and yelling as she continues walking as if I DIDN'T just jump on her back... We have a unique relationship. She puts up with me, I set her up with Kiba! Everyone gets a guy! :D

Except for Sakura... Meh. She'll figure something out.

As we get to the front steps, I hop off her back and wait for our little group of friends who I may or may not get along with. Kiba is the first and I have to watch him and Hinata be all lovey dovey.

The order of which my friends came are of which follows: Ino, Sakura, Coal, Naruto, Neji, Shino, Tenten, Lee, Scarlet, Choji and Shikamaru... He says I'm troublesome.

"Spring Break! Oh yeah!" I jump up and down eagerly.

"So, can we come over?" Ino pulls out her dark purple blindfold, used for the occasion of coming the my "house".

"Mm." I bite my lip and shake my head. "We're moving."

"AGAIN!" The Konoha-nins stare in disbelief.

"Yeah, uh. It blew up." I shrug.

"Again?"

"Mhmm, you'd think I'd learn not to eat the dango I find on the table."

"That's my cute idiot." Naruto teases.

Coal, Scarlet and I make the long walk to our new base over in Snow... Why Snow? That's just a longer walk to school!

"I'm home~!" I announce to the base. "Did'ya miss me?"

"No." Many male voices grunt.

I pout and go to the kitchen rejectedly, "Meanies."

"I missed you, if that counts for anything." Suki pats my head. "Sean said he did t-"

"Sean can burn in hell."

"Okay, I can see you don't like him. We figured out how to send him out THIS dimension."

"Hooray! You know how to cheer me up Suki-chan!" I hug the older woman.

"Hard to believe your 16." Zetsu comments(very meanly if you ask me).

"I am a great 16-year-old!" I protest.

"Zetsu, cut it out." Suki gives the plant-man a half smile, quickly turning back to me. "Uke, my midget, follow me!"

"Ooooo! Are we going on an adventure!"

We walk out into the "backyard" and we sit on the swing. Suki mostly doing the pushing since SOMEONE set up the swing too high!

"Uke, do you ever think about dreams?" Suki asks as the usual clouds set in(we are on the borders of Ame and Sand).

I shrug in reply, curious to what she meant by "dreams". The first few drops of rain come falling down and I hiss in annoyance.

"I'm gonna teach you a jutsu, Uke. But I need full co-operation, okay?" Suki ruffles my hair.

"Okay! What's this jutsu?"

"Nightmare Jutsu."

_**SUKI'S P.O.V, MIDNIGHT.**_

I get out the bed, already fully dressed and ready to go. I shrink my stuff down into my scroll and leave the room how it was when I first joined: empty.

The jutsu I taught Uke, it should(or would) keep her safe if she could find someone to practice on... Most likely the "three monsters".

Going through the living room, the kitchen light was on and I could see Deidara searching for some kind of food that Uke didn't get to. He was muttering something about a bottomless pit.

I push the front door open and slip outside into the cool air. The rain had let up, much to pleasure, and it was now or never.

Madara had plans I didn't agree with... I'm leaving, no going back.

"Good bye everyone." I whisper, then I'm gone, off into the night.

_**UKE'S P.O.V, THE FOLLOWING MORNING.**_

Huh. What a great way to enjoy**(read:suffer)** my Spring Break. I lost my BBF(Best Blonde Friend), Konan put me on a diet, Tobi ditched his facade, Hidan broke the TV and we're going into WAR. Did ya read that? I get to spend my Spring Break in WAR!

_Forever a Genin..._

"So, you couldn't have waited until I at least PASSED?" I hiss. "I was 3 days-**THREE FUCKING DAYS** away from going up a level, but_ nooooo_! The whole damn world is just bent on keeping me an advanced Acadamy ninja!"

Madara just stares at me, "Are you done?"

"No."

"..."

"No one's gonna take me serious if I can't even make it to Genin level because people have horrible timing! The world hates me! You sure you can't postpone this? I'd really appreciate it!" I take a deep, calming breath. "Okay I'm done."

"Finally."

I crash on the couch, blocking out the Uchiha's words. I stayed with this organization for one reason, and one reason only: MY family and MY friends. I just lost one friend.

I think I fell asleep at some point, because next thing I knew, Madara was all but throwing me off the couch.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" I throw wild punches at the Uchiha, Itachi lazily holding me back by my shirt collar.

"You must learn to listen..." Madara starts, but I just zone out again, my thoughts floating to what was for dinner. "Uke, are you even listening?"

I snap back to reality "Yes I am, Iruka-sensei!"

A low growl erupts from the Uchiha.

"My bad." I rub the back of my sheepishly.


	19. Avoidance

_Uke... _**~Monster. How should I feel? Creatures lie here, lurking through the window. Ch-Check this out. His little whispers, love me! love me! That's all I ask for, love me! Love me! He battered his tiny fists to feel somthing, Wondered what it's like to touch and feel somthing.~**

* * *

><p>Try to train me? Good luck with that. I can't stay focused on something that long. It's boring. In the time it would take for me to do handsigns for the next 30 minutes, I could have already read a book, eat lunch and get some sleep. Why Pein is trying to train me all of a sudden is beyond my imagination. He knows me well enough to know I'm a lazy bottomless pit.<p>

Damn, that actually sounded kind of harsh.

"Peeeein, I'm tiiiiired." I groan, dropping the kunai's and shuriken that were in my hands. "Are we done yeet?"

"Lazy." Pein scoffs.

"Hey, you said it's a 2 hour session! And I was awake for one of those hours!" I pout. "I did a lot of work today..."

"I'm not even gonna comment on that." He pats my head and leaves the training grounds.

I squeal in delight and run outside to play in the rain, enjoying whatevers left of my time to be a child. Grr, that sounds harsh too! Damn Madara!

"I'm singin' in the rain~! I'm singin' in the rain!" I spin around with arms out, the all-to-familiar cold of the rain surronding me. "Sum-Soooomething! Yeah, I forgot the other words, haha~!"

"You just love the rain," Coal sighs with a small laugh. "Though I'm not surprised."

"I hope that's not an insult." I plant my hands on my hips. "That would hurt my feelings very badly."

"Sure it would." She scoffs. "Come inside before you get sick."

"I don't get sick, bruh!" I joke. "The rain is my friend!"

I go running into the house, hug-tackling Sanji to the ground.

"You fatass, let go." Sanji flicks my head multiple times.

"I'M NOT FAT, LOOK AT THIS! DOES THIS LOOK FAT TO YOU?"

"No, you hide your fat."

"I have no fat..."

I ditch my asshole of a brother and go looking for something to eat.

"No." Madara slams the fridge shut. "You've been cleaning the fridge out for the past 3 days, stop eating everything."

"Well, you people have me training and chiz, and it's using precious energy!" I snap. "It's my fridge anyways!"

"It is not."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's been here before you were born."

"..." A tic mark appears on my head. "I'm hungry."

"Then go outside and learn how to hunt and eat plants."

"No! Plants can burn in hell, except for Zetsu cause he's an awesome cannibal plant!" I rant again for the second time today. "And do you know how much work it is to hunt? And you need PATIENCE! I lack patience and everyone knows that!"

"Lazy ass."

"I know. I was made to be a singer, not a fighter."

"Stupid..."

"You can't ban me from the fridge!" I quickly change the subject.

We go back and forth for a good hour and a half before I just give it up and wait for him to get busy with something else. I sit on the couch and flip through a celebrity magazine to pass the time. Madara leaves the kitchen 30 minutes later to go check on "his" Uchiha's. Meaning he went to go train with Scarlet, Coal, Itachi, Sasuke, Mitzumi and Mizu... Damn, the Uchiha clan is getting big... They'd better not kill it off, or my foot is going up someone's ass.

Speaking of feet, I feel like Coal and Scarlet have been avoiding me. I haven't messed with them lately, so what's the problem? I can't exactly barge in during their training. Or can I?

I hop to my feet and get out a plastic take-out bin of that yummy onigiri stuff. I should go to the movies now that I know they exist in the Naruverse. Then I should buy a new TV. Then I should go to the nearest book store, cause I'm bored out of my mind.

I lazily go out to the training grounds and go below ground to the place we keep a bunch of advanced jutsu scrolls that may-or-may-not be forbidden. Psaw, who cares? I put a few in my many pockets of my cloak and leave. See? I know how to prepare!

I come back above ground and sit on the sidelines as fire and wind is blown, weapons are thrown. It was hot...

"Woo! Go Coal!" I cheer, laughing as she beat Itachi.

The fight ends without me knowing and the Uchiha's start going their own ways. I hop down and run up to Scarlet.

"Hey, don't walk away! Let's do something!" I huff.

"..." Scarlet gives me this look I couldn't read, shaking her head.

"You and Coal have been avoiding me for awhile now! What's up? Let's talk this out, what happened? Is it something I did?" I grab her shoulder and spin her around to face me. "Talk to me, sis. Talk to me."

Scarlet casts a side glance to Madara and rolls her eyes at me, "Nothings wrong."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not."

"Then come play Chili Challenge with me."

"Can't, I have to go... Um."

I scowl and clench my fist, "See? You did it again! You don't even have a place to go, yet you try to make some place up!"

"Uke, I-"

"I'm not as dumb as you think, now tell me why you and Coal are avoiding me!"

"I can't..."

"Your my best frie-no. Your my sister. You, Coal and I were the original family. Why can't you tell me, hmm?"

"It's Madara-" Scarlet abrubtly cuts herself off and she looks around. She sticks her tounge out and she had a symbol on her tounge that meant 'mute' or 'silent'.

"So wait, he-"

"Shhh!" She pushes her hand over my mouth and gestures her hand to Madara who was coming over to us.

I push her hand away and raise my voice a bit, "I still wanna play Chili Challenge!"

"Okay, I-"

"Sorry, but Scarlet is a little busy right now." Madara leads my friend-sister away.

"Ass." I mutter under my breath

_**THE NEXT MEETING, 3 HOURS LATER.**_

"We're missing quite a few forbiden jutsu scrolls." Is what I pick up from what Madara was saying during this meeting.

I shift from my spot on the couch, unable to get back to sleep. I look around the living room to see everyone putting weapons in their cloaks and strapping swords or scythes to their backs. Except me.

I sit up and search under the couch and in the walls for my kunai and shuriken.

"What are you looking for? It's time to go." Madara snaps.

"All my weapons." I reply simply, pulling a few out the fish tank. "They're just all over the place for some reason."

"It's cause you throw them at things you think you see in the dark." Mitzumi gets a few that were buried deep in the wall. "Here."

"Thanks." I stick them all in my ninja pouch and go looking in my room for my gutair. "Here we go, my baby," I strap it to my back and go back to the living room. "IMMA READY TO GO!"

"You should keep your things more organized." Kakuzu comments.

"What's with the gutair?" Akemi bounces into view, looking like a refugee.

"It's my epic weapon, duh!" I clap happily.

"Wonderful. Other people use scythes, knives or swords, even their eyes in some cases, but no. Uke uses a gutair."

"Don't hate, appreciate!"

"When's the last time you even touched that thing?" Pein comments.

"The day I got it, but that dosen't mean anything! I've been busy with SCHOOL. Ahem, a very... Odd... gift for someone's birthday."

"Hey! If you never went to school, you would've never made all those friends, nor would you have gotten a boyfriend!" Konan protests, protecting her gift.

"He's not my boyfriend." I mutter, then say louder. "Let's get this show on the road! I'm on a hype!"

"Try not to trip and fall on the battlefield." Sanji tweaks my nose.

"I am NOT that clumsy!" I stomp away, tripping over the coffee table and busting my head on fish tank. "AHHH! DAMNIT! WHO PUT THE FISH TANK RIGHT THERE!"

"My point exactly." Sanji sighs, pulling me to my feet. "You just randomly tripped and busted your head open."

I put bandages on my head and on the fish tank to stop the steady leak of water I had caused.

"My hype is dead." I grumble.

"I'm not surprised." Madara scoffs. "Let's go."


	20. The start if it all

_Coal_**~Step by step, heart to heart, left-right-left. We all fall down... Like toy soilders. Bit-by-bit, torn apart. We never win but the battle wages on for... Toy soilders~**

**COAL'S P.O.V, THE NEXT WEEK.**

I have no idea how this war started, nor who's winning. I just know that I'm fighting someone every few minutes. It's kinda annoying.

Much to my dismay, Kabuto joined us with his reanimation jutsu. Orochimaru's hiding, no one cares about him, except maybe Suki who wants him dead. Some missing-nin from Hidden Star joined our side. Uke? She's holding her own, doing better than Madara thought.

That ass... Madara, I mean. He _SEALS MY TOUNGE_, then he makes me _AVOID_ Uke, and he just starts a _WAR_ without even _WARNING_ a bitch. This is really ticking me off, him and his obsession with his plan. A rather stupid plan with many flaws.

He's using Uke and Hidan as 'bait' or 'decoys' as he calls them, he uses 'fellow Uchiha' as fighters on the frontlines, he keeps Konan, Kakuzu and Sasori in 'reserves' as he calls it and they help heal. Zetsu is our spy as per usual, with the help of Mitzumi and Mizu. What? You think he'd send two kids up to the frontlines?

Well your right. He did try to send Mitzumi and Mizu to the frontlines with us. Scarlet put an end to that thought quickly, almost biting his head off. Momma Bear don't play about her cubs. It was pretty funny to watch.

Ahem, continuing... Pein, Kisame, Deidara and Akemi were somewhere between the frontlines and the base. The rest of our little allies and reanimated**(read:zombie)** nins were scattered around everywhere.

This war stuff is EXAUSHTING.

I climb up the nearest tree so I could get a good look around the area.

The ear-piece connected to my ear(rather tightly if you ask me) crackles to life, _***Meet at Snow, ASAP***_ Madara instructs.

_***Aye-Aye, Captain***_ Uke snarks.

"Don't be so mean, my man." I laugh. "Or girl? Hmm, let's just say danna for now."

**_*Whaddya mean for now? Stop questioning my gender!*_**

_***Dawww, don't argue,***_ Scarlet sniggers. _***You'll muss up the lines again,***_

_***Did you just say daw?***_ Konan joins our 'conversation'.**_ *What is this? A 50s reality show?*_**

_***Females, I'll never understand them***_ A voice I couldn't recognize sighs.

_***Girls are weird, yeah***_

**_*They're moody.*_**

_***Hn.***_

_***They do everything in groups, why?***_

"Hey! Hey! If you've ever seen a decent scary movie you'd know the basic reason why!" I snap.

_***Well why the fuck do you go to the bathroom together?***_

"One keeps watch, the other goes. Also for emergincies."

_***Emer-***_

**_*Tis a girls-only info.*_** Uke laughs.

_***You all talk to much,***_ Madara interupts us all.

**_*Socializing makes the world goes round!_*** Scarlet protests.

_***No, money makes the world go round.***_ Kakuzu corrects.

**_*Art makes the world go round._*** Sasori snaps.

_***EXPLOSIONS make the world go round, yeah!***_ Deidara huffs.

**_*I make the fucking world go round you heathens!*_** Hidan roars.

"Trees make the world go round." I joke.

_***Gravity makes the world go round you idiots.***_ Sasuke sighs.

**_*UNICORNS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND, NOW SHUT UP!*_** Uke snaps. _***Arguing about what makes this unexplored world spin, how dare you call yourselves evil.***_

There's an awkward silence and I take the time to start my trek towards Snow. It actually wasn't that far.

**_*I think you blew my ear drum, ouch.*_** Mizu groans. **_*So small, voice so big,*_**

_***What's with everyone insulting me today?***_ Uke whines.

_***Because your an idiot.***_ Madara grumbles.

I laugh and listen to their idle conversation as I walk lazily to my destination. So much walking to do. It's annoying. So... _troublesome. _ As I get close to Snow, I turn off the transmitter and head for the usual place. It wasn't to far, and they were talking too much.

If something was happening, Madara or Pein could easily contact me considering there were only 2 master transmiters. Guess who got them.

I come upon a snow-covered cave, yelling already coming from it. I sigh, wondering why they always argue.

"Hey yall! Now that your GODESS is here, we can start the meeting." I throw my hands up as everyone turns to stare.

"Yeah, your a goddess." Uke scoffs, adjusting her bangs yet again.

"You'll be a goddess when Uke admits she's a demi-god." Scarlet grins teasingly.

Uke smacks her upside the head, face turning red, "I AM NOT A DEMI-GOD!"

"Quit screaming." Madara crosses his arms. "Now, it's time for the next part of my plan."

"Aawww, can't we get a break."

"Shut it, demi-god."

Uke clenches her teeth and turns a dark shade of red, "I. Am not. Nor will I ever be. A demi. God."

"Okay Uke, calm down." I pat her head. "We don't want you to explode."

"Deidara does," She sighs.

"It will take a day to prepare for part two." Madara starts.

"Hooray!" Scarlet jumps up in the air, pumping her fist.

Eye roll. "Here's what we're going to do..."

* * *

><p><strong>It's a short chapter so you get a double update! :D Please review BOTH of them? Does anyone still read this?<strong>


	21. Hotel!

_The 3 Monsters_**~And they're gonna leave me here on my own, and here it goes! I'm just a kid, and my life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair. Nobody cares and I'm alone in this world, and everyones having more than meee...~**

**AKEMI'S P.O.V**

I fall back to join Mizu and Mitzumi. They both looked pretty bored. Mizu was winding and unwinding string around her fingers, Mitzumi was throwing rocks at trees.

"Hey guys." I whisper.

"Hm?" Mizu brightens and whispers back. "Yeah, 'Kemi?"

"There's snow all over the ground."

Mitzumi smirks, "I guess there is, my devious friend."

"Looky, looky: a perfect target," Mizu points at Uke who was having a loud 'conversation' with Suigetsu.

"Ready..." I scoop up some snow and pack it into a roundish shape. "Aim."

Mizu giggles and clutches a few clumps of ice-hard snow. Mitzumi kneels on the ground and sticks small pebbles into his snowball. I make sure to make mine nice and wet, aiming at the right place.

"Fire!"

"Wha-" Uke turns around and gets knocked in the face by one of Mizu's ice-balls. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

The three of us laugh and throw more possibly-lethal snowballs at my sister. One of Mitzumis' knock her upside the head and she falls on her butt.

I laugh and start grabbing more snow.

"YOU LITTLE ASSHOLES!" She struggles to her feet and runs after us. "YOUR SO DEAD!"

Ice... Not her element in any way, shape, or form. She slips and slides as she chases after us. Being about as graceful as a duck.

But again, she is older and slightly faster. She snatches a branch off a tree and swings wildly.

"Look at her go..." Pein sighs. "I have a feeling we're going to be missing a child by the end of all this."

"I bet if we do end up missing one, they got rid of each other." Konan agrees.

"YOU ASSES, HELP ME!" Uke roars.

"They're little kids," Madara scoffs. "Handle it yourself."

"They're MONSTERS!"

"Rawr!" Mitzumi adds not-so-helpfully.

"Why do I have to deal with this." Uke stops to catch her breath. "They're not even my kids."

"Oh please, drama queen." Scarlet shakes her head. "That's how they show they love you!"

Uke pauses and puts her hands on her hips, "Don't give me that parenting magazine shit."

Sasuke sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, "I'm surronded by idiots."

We walk in semi-silence for awhile until we get to a pretty good-looking hotel. Pein pauses and sighs.

"Uke, use henge." He instructs.

"Huh, why?" She blinks.

"You got banned from here a few years ago."

"..."

"They took your mugshot."

"What did I do!" Uke henges into... An 8 year old Uchiha, red eyes and all.

"You were a very clingy, lonely child." Pein chuckles.

"Hey!"

"What's with the Uchiha look?" Coal narrows her eyes. "That's insulting in so many ways."

"Your just jealous!" Uke twirls in a circle.

"I'm an Uchiha too, you idiot."

"Hn."

"Did you really?"

"Hn."

Coal's eye twitches and she turns away. We go into the building a get a couple rooms. They were all connected, which was pretty cool until Madara and Uke started arguing about many... Many things.

First it was about the mini-fridge and Uke's eating habits, then it was about sleeping arrangements, then about the shower arrangements, then about the way Uke dressed, then how Madara's Sharingan makes him look like a drug addict, then about who's more evil, and then bedtime.

"I'm 16, I don't get a bedtime!" Uke stomps her foot.

"You act like your 5, you need a bedtime." Madara retorts.

"OHHH!" Scarlet, Coal, Mizu, Mitzumi, Hidan, Deidara, Konan, Kisame and I chime in.

"YOU need a bedtime, gramps! Better get to bed so your rickety old bones work in the morning!"

"OHHHHH!" Scarlet, Coal, Mizu, Mitzumi, Deidara, Hidan, Kisame, Konan and I whoop again.

"ANYWAYS, your not my dad-"

"Thank the heavens for that." Madara begins to walk away.

Uke ignores the comment, "-so I MIGHT go to bed when Pein tells me to."

"Even if you were my child, I'd have you on a much tighter leash then Pein has you."

"If you were my dad, I'd be glad to be an orphan."

"You'd be in military school before that."

"THOSE WORDS! THEY BURN!"

Uke suddenly remembers something, "I still have revenge to deal out..."

She snatches Mizu, Mitzumi and I up with clones and leans out the window. She string us up, upside-down, on the roof.

"Uke! Let us down!" I snap.

"Naaah, I don't think I will."

"Talk about bad parenting." Madara scoffs.

"Hey! I'm a teenage mom with violent friends! I'm trying here!" Scarlet huffs.

"You get a pass for being a teenage mom. As for Pein and Konan... Your children are a mess."

"Our children are perfectly fine!" Konan snaps.

"Sanji's a man-whore, Uke's bipolar and Akemi's a pyro." Madara lists off. "That's not perfectly fine."

Sanji snaps to attention, "Not a whore, I'm an enthusiast... Ass."

"Who says I'm bipolar? We never got the test results back, shut up!" Uke crosses her arms.

"What's a pyro!" I call out.

"Someone who loves fire."

"Oh."

"You can mess with Uke all you like," Pein glares. "Don't question my parenting, though."

"Hey..." Uke pouts.

"Your kids are all screw-ups." Madara rolls his eyes.

"Hey." Uke crosses her arms.

"If you tried parenting Uke, you'd blow your damn brains out." Pein points out.

"Hey...!"

"Wanna bet?"

"DON'T I GET A SAY IN THIS!" Uke throws her hands up.

"You couldn't parent Uke for a night." Pein just continues.

I laugh and Mizu grins, "Karma~!"

"Shut up, you little monsters!" Uke roars.

"Bring it on." Madara rolls his eyes. "Rules: no setting anyone up, and Uke must act like she usually does."

"Deal."

The two males shake on it, Uke furious. She flops on the big bed and screams into the pillow. Drama queen. She soon calms down and I was getting cold...

**MITZUMI'S P.O.V**

I rub my arms, then massage my head. I've been hanging out here for awhile. Akemi had stopped yelling and Mizu had stopped whining. I could hear a lot of stuff going on inside.

"Uke, get up and stop hanging the kids." Madara instructs.

"No, they deserve it and I'm tired."

"Get your ass up and get those kids or-"

I quickly cover my ears, I'm not allowed to hear that kind of language. I uncover my ears as I feel myself being lifted up and back into the room.

"Woohoo!" Akemi cheers.

Uke smacks all three of us upside the head and starts going back to 'her' bed.

"I didn't say to hit them." Madara smacks her upside the head.

"They threw fucking ice and rocks at me! I should've thrown them off the side of the damn building!" Uke screeches. "I've got the bruises to prove it."

Akemi laughs and throws a shoe at her. Madara reacts and holds her back before she could tear the kid apart. Didn't stop her from screaming profanities.

"This is so amusing." Coal grins. "Uchiha's+1 vs. Uke... So far, I think Uchiha plus one's winning."

"It's 3 against one, you ass." Uke scowls.

* * *

><p>Madara was trying to get Uke to make dinner AND do the dishes. She started dinner(instant ramen), but sure wouldn't do the dishes.<p>

"And you need to cut your hair," Madara adds. "You look like a Raggedy Ann doll."

"Your not going near my head with a pair of siccors!" Uke snaps. "Pein! Do something! I worked hard to grow this chiz out!"

"I'm not even here." Pein goes back to his magazine.

"Drink this," Sasori holds a cup of light brown liquid up to Uke.

"What's it do," Uke sniffs it.

"It gives you a tail."

"AWESOME!"

"No way." Madara takes the liquid away. "My 'daughter' won't throwing up half the night."

"It was one time." Sasori protests.

"Three, actually." I correct.

"Shh!"

Uke crosses her arms, "Last chance, Madara. Drop the bet."

Eye roll.

Uke runs across the room screaming, hits the wall, falls on her back, and rolls around screaming and beating the ground like a baby.

"NO! NOOOOOOOO! I WANNA TEST STUFF! WHYYYY! YOUR AN ASSS, I WANNA DRINK, AND TEST AND NOT DO CHORES AND NOT COOK! YOU EVIL BASTARD!" Uke rolls and screams.

**MIZU'S P.O.V, 2 HOURS LATER.**

I squeeze my hands over my ears in a vain attempt to block out the shrill scream coming from Uke's mouth. I sit on the bed with my legs crossed for two resons.

Reason 1: Uke broke a lot of glass items during her tantrum, of which was still going on.

Reason 2: Uke had a knife and was stabbing it into the floor everytime she swung her fist down. She actually cut herself once or twice.

I dodge a thrown shoe and shove a pillow over my head.

"Make her stop already!" I shout over the carrot-tops noise(of which was turning red).

Madara's eye twitches and mutters something like, "The exact reason I don't raise families."

"Alright, alright Pein! Take your damn child back, I am done!" Madara stomps out the room. "I'm getting a drink!"

Uke was in her own little world and didn't hear anything. Pein gets up and goes to the almost overboiling ramen pot. He strains it and makes a medium-sized bowl of beef ramen.

"Dinner time, Uke!" He yells.

The screaming abrubtly stops and Uke was out of my sight. I look around and find her sitting at the table eating dinner like an 'angel'.

"Even angels have their inner horns." I scowl.

"I think my ears are bleeding." Akemi whines.


	22. Icy Mountains

**_~Life's a game, but it's not fair. I break the rules cause I don't care. And I'll keep doing my own thing, walking tall against the rain. Can't be scared when it goes down! Got a problem? Tell me now. I don't really give a damn. The only thing that's on my mind, is who gon' run this town tonight?~_**

**UKE'S P.O.V, 2 DAYS LATER.**

I run to keep up with the schedule, unable to risk being late with this one mission given to me. I jump over one of the many fallen trees, my foot catching on one of the branches, making me go falling face first into the ground.

I'm a failure of a ninja.

I get back up and dust the leaves out my hair. I get running again and switch one the transmitter for the rest of what I was suppose to do. I guess Madara knows me a little bit...

***Follow the mountain trail, you may be attacked by enemy ninja multiple times on your way up.***

"Thanks for the heads up." I pull out a kunai and head for the well-markked mountain entrance.

I groan as I realize this wasn't going to be a quick trek up the man-made trail. It was going to be a steep climb up an icy, animal-made trail.

The beginning was pretty easy, almost like a normal trail. Then it started getting steep, and I had to grip the side of the mountain to avoid slipping down(again).

The last time I slipped, I slipped to the bottom. What hell for me. I hate mountains. Hell, I'll even say it out loud!

"I HATE MOUNTAINS!"

***You hate a lot of things.*** Madara almost scares me into falling again.

"I do not."

***There was baseball.***

_'I threw down the baseball bat as yet another ball hit me in the face, "I hate baseball!'_

***Football.***

_'I picked myself out the muddy ground glowering like no tomorrow. I took off my helmet and threw it on the ground, "I hate football!'_

***Karate.***

_'I had been flipped again and again by some kid 2 years younger than me. I groaned and rolled over to stare at the ceiling, "I hate karate!"'_

***Gymnastics.***

_'I jumped on the bar and spun with a lot of sweating. The bar creaked and groaned. I jump off with a flip... And landed on my face, breaking my nose in the process, "I hate gymnastics!"'_

"Okay, I get it!" I huff. "I hate things that involve work." I pause in front of a cave entrance that lead to the otherside of the mountain so I could do MORE walking. "Oh joy, a useless short cut."

No reply. Guess he 'hung up'. Or I'm just too high up the mountain. Stupid rock, blocking my signal... Possibly.

Having no other choice, I go inside the half-ice-cave to get to the other side. It was really cold and slippery, and I kept on falling.

"God damnit..." I grip onto a rock to steady myself. "I just can't stand straight!"

A soft chink breaks the cave-silence and I feel cool metal pushing up against the back of my neck. I sigh, sick of being attacked almost everywhere I go.

"Bit of odd timing for a hike, don't you think?"

"Nope." I try and right myself, the guy allowing me to at least stand upright.

Six or seven other people come out from the shadows, all Konoha people, with a tiny bit of Suna. I recognized one person as Kankuro.

"An Akatsuki member." The guy behind me jabs me with the kunai. "Walk forward."

"I'll try." I shrug, taking an unsteady step forward. "OH SHIT!" I smack face first into the icy ground. I roll over with a groan.

"Hell, it dosen't look like she's kidding. Hit the ground pretty hard." Another guy calls out.

I tenderly touch my nose to test for broken-ness. Nah, just bruised.

"If my nose turns red, I am done." I grumble, getting back to my feet.

I jump up in the air and kick the guy in the face like a BOSS! I land on my feet for once and start running. I laugh as I slip and slide like the clutz I am. At least I was dodging attacks(some).

"Oh yeah! I take it back, I'm a great ninja!" I cheer before slamming into the cave wall. "Nevermind."

Kankuro's puppet-thing just attacks me out of nowhere. I roll over to avoid some kinda spear or dagger or whatever weapon.

With many issues, I get back on my feet and start running away again. I'm not to sure WHAT hit me, but it hurt like a bitch! It hits me again and I go sliding forward.

"Oh shit! Stop-stop-stoooop!" I try and backtrack, but it wasn't working. "I need some good luck..."

And here's my luck: My clock snags on a branch, so now I get to be captured by Konoha ninja. Why am I in this mountain again? Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure Madara is waiting for one his Rinnegan users to die so he can continue his plan. Asshole.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chappy, I know :P<strong>


	23. Amnesia

**~I'm just a step away, I'm just a breath away. Losing my mind today(falling off the edge today)! I am just a girl, not superhero girl.~**

* * *

><p><strong>SCARLET'S P.O.V, 2 WEEKS LATER<strong>

I clench my fist as Itachi holds me back from beating Madara to a pulp. I was mad. I was pissed. There were no words to express my anger. Coal was in a similar state, but had run off into the forest to knock down some trees.

"You killed my friend!" I accuse the Uchiha. "Because of you, she's dead!"

"You don't know that for sure." Madara rolls his eyes at me.

"She would NEVER leave her gutair behind! Especially not at the bottom of a mountain in a puddle of blood!" I hiss. "She's dead and you know it!"

"There wasn't even a body."

"Well, an animal could've eaten it. Or! Or! Or! The enemy ninja took the body as a trophie!" Coal comes stomping in. "It'd be like one of Sasori's puppets, except stuffed with cotton."

Akemi stares at her in horror, "They're stuffing my sister!?"

I lose my anger and fall to the ground laughing and beating the ground. Coal catches on and holds her stomach laughing so hard, she was crying.

"Th-That's not funny, yeah." Deidara snickers. "You guys are so perverted."

"What's so funny?" Mizu cocks her head to the side.

"Y-You," I bust out in laughter again. "You wouldn't understand!"

Haaaa, I hope for my sake Uke never hears that.

"Now that we're back on track..." Pein quickly changes the subject. "What's next?"

"We attack, duh." Madara crosses his arms.

"Gasp! Mr. Serious is using the teenage language!" Coal puts a hand over her heart. "Is the end of the world coming!?"

"Very funny."

* * *

><p>We set out through the forest, traveling in groups of 2 or 3. I laugh softly and pull out my sword within the first 10 minutes of travel. Itachi ruffles my hair, my reply was poking him and complaining about my now ruined hair.<p>

I was a bit surprised at the amount of Kiri that had us surronded. It was easy to overcome though, especially with the lack of arguing everyone now had.

We keep going until we deciede to take a break(well, I decieded but still...). I flop onto the ground, planning to sleep. I drift off, lightly snoring like people tend to point out.

The lull of the swishing lake deepens my sleep.

**?'S P.O.V  
><strong>  
>I hop tree to tree, the moon shining brightly down on me. I stop by a lake and kneel by the shore, setting my newest weapon aside. I scoop water in my hand and sip it eagerly. I stay partially alert as I strip down out of my old ruined clothes.<p>

I wade into the water, the cold stinging my skin slightly. I drop to my knees and splash water over my face, dryed blood rinsing off my face. I pull out the dye and start dying my bangs black, just to blend in easier. I sit up and look around curiously. Not too far away I see a fire burning, which meant a fairly warm area to sleep.

I crawl out the water and shake slightly to dry off. I put on fresh underclothes, black shorts, a dark red tanktop that showed off my belly, a grey shawl that covered my chest and a dark blue hat. I fish through the stolen items and pull out a dark blue scarf to cover my mouth.

I admire my weapon that kinda looked like an 8 with a top chunk cut out of it. Then, there's a handle that makes it 2 feet taller than me. The blade is green with a black triangle pattern. I prop it on my shoulder and begin to slowly and silently walk towards the group, masking my chakra.

I climb up a tree, high enough so I couldn't be seen, but low enough I could still feel the heat from their fire. I peek down and see the group of 3 people wearing black cloaks with red clouds. Odd people. Don't they get hot?

I straddle the branch and lean against the trunk of the tree, my weapon jammed into the tree next to me. I close my eyes and tip my hat over my eyes. I drift off to sleep, night sounds unaffecting to me.

THE NEXT DAY

The sound of battle wakes me from my slumber. I look down and watch as the people in cloaks fight against these people with Sand headbands. There sure were a lot, it looked like they were losing.

I tug my(i'll call it a scythe from now on) scythe out the tree, swinging down like an animal. I swing and catch 4 Sand ninja off gaurd. I laugh softly and use the staff to launch myself into the air, kicking a taller guy in the face.

A red-headed female stares at me, confusion written all over her face. I throw a kunai at someone coming up behind her. I unattach the blade and throw it like a Shuriken at a group of enemy. It slices through them like butter and lodges into a tree.

As soon as I realize the enemy was gone, I retrieve my blade and put my weapon back together. I turn to face the people in cloaks.

"Hello." I give a small wave.

**SCARLET'S P.O.V**

I stare at the... Hell, I couldn't tell if it's a boy or a girl. The person. Huh... Reminds me of Crona.(Soul Eater reference, oh yeah!).

"Who're you?" I plant my hands on my hips. "And what're you doing here?"

The person wore a dark blue mask that covered his/her mouth and his/her bangs covered their eyes. Then they had this hat on that had a little curl-in by the tip.

The person nods their head a bit before answering, "I don't know and I was sleeping."

Damnit, even their VOICE doesn't have a gender clue... They must be doing it on purpose, cause now their snickering. I turn to Itachi with a look that said, 'You-Didn't-Notice-This-Person?'

Itachi blinks, his Sharingan glowing in that rare, non-deadly way. The stranger stares up at him, their own eyes glowing in their own way. I watch amused as the two have a glowing contest. I turn to Kisame.

"This is amusing, ne?" I smirk. "It's a glowing contest."

"Only you would think of that." Kisame chuckles.

There's a long silence of me tapping my foot impaitently while they continue their glow-off. The strangers eyes soon stop glowing and they look away.

"Come with us." Itachi instructs.

"Alright." The person says, giving away her voice as feminine. She follows behind us, balancing a large scythe that reminded me of a sliced up 8 on her shoulder.

"That looks pretty heavy." I comment, noting how she was shorter than me.

"Sort of." She rolls her shoulders. "But not really."

"But it's a good 2 feet taller than you!'

An annoyed sigh sounds from the girl, "Everything is 2 feet taller than me."

* * *

><p>"Honey! I'm home!" I announce, soon being hugged by Coal. I laugh and march into the meeting room, the stranger following curiously.<p>

"You guys all dress the same?" She mutters. "Weird."

I blink as a familiarly over-sized chakra signiture fills the room. I turn to the stranger, "What did you say your name was again?"

"I told you, I don't know."

"You don't know your own name?" Akemi scuttles forward. "Are you stupid?"

"Watch it, kid." She snaps, pointing her scythe at his face.

"Woah-woah-woah, I didn't mean any trouble." He backs up quickly.

Pein comes up behind the girl and snatches the hat off of her. I squeal in surprise as the mane of orange hair falls into place.

The name 'Uke' is chimed across the room with various feelings. Uke adjusts her bangs so we could see her eyes, then narrows them.

"Hey, that's my hat," Uke scowls. "Give it back."

"I missed you sssoooo much!" Coal squeaks, hugging the shorter girl.

"Ahh! Who're you? Let gooo!" Uke trashes around and tries to get free. "Damnit, get off!"

"Whaaat?" Coal frowns. "But I'm your hug-partner."

"I don't even know you."

An awkward silence ensues as we realize she was serious. What is wrong with our poor Uke? Did she hit her head when she fell off that mountain?

"Noooo! Uke!" Mitzumi falls to his knees. "We need you to remember! It's essential!"

"For what?" She cocks an eyebrow.

"For one thing, your boyfriend'll miss you." Coal teases.

"I have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah!"

"Huh." Uke turns to face Pein. "Can I have my hat back?"

Pein tosses it to her and Uke puts it back on. She sits on a smooth rock and crosses her arms, going into whatever thoughts she was having.

What're we gonna do with her?


End file.
